Starvation Box

By Arlen Lawson

I don’t want to party by Arlen 339-0530

It was me and Bell Cardinal walking down the dried out riverbed dirt cakes split in geometric patterns and a circus tent revealing itself on the horizon, illusion of growing out of the riverbed, first a little flag, then connected to a tiny little circus that just kept growing. We were going to that circus.

Bell had heard talk that there was an old man there who wore a dress and, if you paid him ten dollars, he would take you into a little tent and lift his dress for you. And what you would see then, for your well spent money, was that this man had no penis to speak of.

Bell had been talking about it for days, how it would be like a dream come true to see that man’s no-penis. But it was only by pure luck that we got to. All signs had been pointing to no, because where would we get ten dollars each? So, yeah, we were kind of bummed for awhile. Then, when we were walking home from school, Bell found it right on the ground, a sooty, crumpled up twenty dollar bill. And he got bright in the face and fanned out his discovery in front of me, and we both said, "Oh yeah!"

So it was me and Bell Cardinal walking down the dried out riverbed dirt cakes split in geometric patterns and a yellow and red circus tent growing out of the riverbed horizon, Bell with a dirty bill cum wonder ticket tucked into his back pocket, and on our way to verify with our own eyes that there was a man who had no penis. Bell was telling the story of how he was taken away from his parents because he burnt down their house on purpose with matches and paper towels. And when they came home, he didn’t even try to run. He just sat out on the stoop drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey, the house in flames behind him, and he was all, "What? I don’t care. Arrest me. Send me to Juvenile Hall, for all I care," and they did for about a month, but, you know, that didn’t even make him cry once. And so I was like, "That is so cool!"

Bell had a chocolate bar that he stole from the pantry at the house. And we ate it.

We got to the circus in the early afternoon. We were hot and dry until we got snow cones. I bought them with my own money, because it was really like thanking Bell for finding the $20 bill. That was very cool of him to do. I got red ‘cause that’s my favorite. Bell got blue, but that’s OK. Bell’s my best friend, but it’s OK that we’ve got some differences. In fact, it’s kind of cool. It keeps my mind open to try new things and maybe like some of them.

I saw the old man in the dress before Bell. Standing by his tent. The dress was blood red silk with little roses stitched all over it. The man was a lot older than I was expecting. He was like ninety probably, face like you stretched some really tanned and spotty old man skin around a skull, with little wisps of white hair that haloed his head like bits of string. And shaky. I was, like, Dude, Bell, that’s him. I see him. And Bell was like, "Ohmigodohmigod, I can’t do this. I can’t do this at all."

I wasn’t really mad, but I thought Bell needed to hear something like "Dude, don’t puss out," so I told it to him because I’m real good at being his friend and anticipating his needs and stuff. So he was like, "You first, you first," shoving the twenty into my hand, all sticky and blue.

I gave Bell my snow cone to hold, ran up to the man, who smiled at me, took the bill with shaky hands and placed it in his black and gold purse, from which he withdrew a very clean $10 bill, my change. He had to bend over to get into his little tent. I followed, as terrified and excited as anybody in the whole entire world, including Russia, has ever been.

Inside the tent was magic. There was a pillow on the ground that I was supposed to sit on, and a little table. I sat and he climbed onto the table, breathing hard from the exertion. And he drew up his dress, slowly for reasons of either suspense or being a total old man, revealing first legs made out of the same stuff as his face and hands, and then the reason I’d walked for miles and paid my money, there below his sunken stomach and prevalent rib cage, surrounded by a scattering of hairs not unlike the hair on his head, was not just, yes, a nearly unfathomable lack of penis, but also a bright red rose, hanging upside down in its place. I stared in awe, until the man, judging that my time was up, lowered his dress as slowly as it had gone up.

"Thank you," I said and put out my hand to shake. He just smiled and pointed to the exit.

"Dude, did you see it?" Bell had eaten my snow cone, but that was OK. He had just allowed me to experience maybe the best thing I ever saw in my life. I was too grateful to think he was a jerk for eating my snow cone, though that is really a jerk thing to do. Whatever. I’m over it.

I gave him the ten dollar bill. And he walked up to the man, the two of them shaking like they were doing it on purpose, and walked into the tent

While I was waiting for Bell to emerge reborn, a clown walked up to me and handed me a bright, yellow balloon that said "The Starvation Box" in bubble letters. And I could not figure out what that meant, nor would the clown say.

When Bell came out he came out running, holding tight to a bright red flower and screaming "Run!" Behind him, came the old man, face so angry scarier than scariest vampire, running faster than a withered old man ought to run. I let go of my balloon when the man caught Bell and, as he threw him to the ground, standing hard on his hand to keep him in place, as he pried the rose free, as he started pounding Bell’s face fiercely with his old man fist, I stared up at my balloon as it shrank into the sky.

It was me and Bell Cardinal walking down the dried out riverbed dirt cakes split in geometric patterns and a circus tent shrinking behind us, if we cared to look, Bell’s face bloody and missing seven teeth, most of which were baby teeth, anyway so it wasn’t so bad and well, well worth it, said Bell. And Bell was talking about how he couldn’t move his hand. And he was all "Look at that. Look at that. Damn."

"Starvation Box" debuted October 26, 2001, performed by Arlen Lawson.

Performed at Best of No Shame on December 14, 2001.

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