- February 13, 2003 - No Shame Cutler Ridge
Homeless man stands center stage holding homemade sign. Homless is misspelled. Sign reads:
Homless
Need Work
God Bless
Spinster schoolmarm type enters stage from stage left carrying bag with school slogan like "Teachers are #1". She ignores homeless man and begins to walk by before pulling up short stage right of homeless man, spins to confront him as she reads the sign.
Woman:
Oh my! Oh my my! This is a disgrace! Young man, what is wrong with you! Look at this!(Take marker out
of bag, pull off cap)Look at this word Homless! Is that how you spell homeless! Hmmm?
Man: I…Uh…
Woman: I think not! How do you spell home?
Man: Uhh…
Woman: Speak up sonny! Speak up!
Man: Uhh…H-O-M-E.
Woman: Exactly! There is an E at the end of Home so when you add the L-E-S-S you keep the E and you end up homeless! Now you can’t be simply homeless, haven’t you every heard of grammar!? Well if you went to school in Dade County you probably haven’t. Doesn’t the word sentence mean anything to you? You have to write, "I am homeless".
(Woman makes correction to sign)
Woman: Now what comes at the end of a sentence?
Man: Uhh…a period?
Woman: Exactly!
(Woman adds period)
Woman:
Now we’re getting somewhere! "Need Work" is also an incomplete sentence. What do we have to add to that?Man: Uhh…I…uhh…
Woman: The word "I" sonny boy, the word "I".
(Makes correction)
Woman:
You must, of course, put a period at the end of your sentence.(Adds period)
Woman:
Now. "God bless". What is missing in that statement? Every sentence has a subject, verb and…what else?Man: Uhh…
Woman: A direct object! One has to write God Bless "You" and then, of course, add the period.
(Makes corrections, steps back to admire handiwork)
Woman:
Now, not only are you homeless, you’re educated!(Puts marker back in bag with self satisfied air)
Woman:
Carry on!(Walks off stage right while homeless man looks back and forth from woman and mutilated sign)
Lights out
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