copyright © 2004 Clinton A. Johnston

Ready Yet

By

Clinton A. Johnston

(No Shame Charlottesville Ė 1/23/04)

 

[Lee and Leslie can be any gender.At the beginning of the piece, Lee is offstage while Leslie sits onstage staring straight ahead, looking at the TV.Through the beginning of the scene, Leslie does not look at Lee but at the TV.Interpretation is, of course, up to you, but I envision Leslie remaining impassive through the first part while Lee is free to get upset.Though the text is minimal, the presentation should flow naturally with little space between lines.(Although take the indicated Pauses, of course.)]

 

Lee

 

[Offstage]

Are you ready yet?

 

[Pause]

 

[Enter]

 

Are you ready yet?

 

Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

Youíre not ready yet.

 

Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

Youíre not ready yet.You said you were gonna be ready.

 


Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause for the ďminuteĒ]

Are you ready yet?

 

Leslie

 

No.

 

Lee

 

Jesus Christ.

 

Leslie

 

I already saidó

 

Lee

 

When are you gonnaí get ready?

 

Leslie

 

In just a minute.

 

Lee

 

You said that a minute, ago!

 

Leslie

 

What?

 

Lee

 

You said that a minute, ago!

 

Leslie

 

Well, Iím not ready, yet.

 


Lee

 

I know youíre not ready yet!

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minuteóokay?

 

Lee

†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††

[Overlapping Leslieís line above]

††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† I can see youíre not ready, yet!

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

[Pause]

 

Okay?

 

[Pause]

 

Okay?

 

[Pause]

 

Lee

 

We have to leave now.

 

Leslie

 

I know.

 

Lee

 

We have to leave in, like five minutes.

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

We need to be there.

 

Leslie

 

Well, Iím not ready yet.

 

Lee

 

I know youíre not ready yet!

 

Leslie

 

Okay, well then gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

Alright.We donít have a minute.Howís that?We donít have a minute.

 

Leslie

 

[Finally turns to connect.]

What?

 

Lee

 

You say, ďGimme a minute.ĒI say I canít give you a minute, because we donít have a minute.

 

Leslie

 

What?

 

Lee

 

We need to be there.We need to get gone. We need to be there.Not here.Not now.There.We donít have a minute!I canít give one to you!We are fresh out of minutes!

 

Leslie

 

[Pause]

We donít have a minute?

 

Lee

 

No.

 


Leslie

 

[Beat]

Huh.

 

[Pause]

Well, I guess thatís that. [Goes back to looking ahead.]

 

Lee

 

[Pause]

Excuse me?

 

[Pause]

What are you doing?

 

[Beat]

Arenít you going to get ready?

 

Leslie

 

You said we were late.

 

Lee

 

What?

 

Leslie

 

I thought we were late.Isnít that what you said?

 

Lee

 

[Beat]

Well, not so much in those words, but yes.

 

Leslie

 

Well, okay.Then gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause]

I donít believe this!

 

Leslie

 

Weíre already late.Thatís what you saidó

 

Lee

 

I donít bloody well believe this!

 

[Breath]

You know what?Iím leaving.

 

Leslie

 

[Turning back to connect]

What?

 

Lee

 

Iím leaving.Iím goiní.[Starts to get ready to go.Coat, gloves, etc.]

 

Leslie

 

You canít leave yet.

 

Lee

 

Why?

 

Leslie

 

Because Iím not ready yet.

 

Lee

 

Ah-Well, too bad!

 

Leslie

 

You canít leave when Iím not ready.

 

Lee

 

You can catch up.

 

Leslie

 

How will I know where to go?

 

Lee

 

Shouldíve thought of that before.

 

Leslie

 

[Gets up]

Oh come on.Just lemme get ready first.

 

Lee

 

Nope.

 

Leslie

 

Iíll only take a minute.

 

Lee

 

Iím goiní.

 

Leslie

 

Come on.Donít be such a dick. [change to gender appropriate]

[Exits]

 

Lee

 

Iím gone.

 

Leslie

 

[From offstage]

Think of how it will look!

 

Lee

 

If I can hurry, I can just make it.

 

Leslie

 

Think of how people can talk!

 


Lee

 

Iím already out there.

 

Leslie

 

Youíll want for company!

 

Lee

 

Iím already gone.

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause + sit down and look ahead]

 

 

Leslie

 

[Still offstage]

Okay?

 

[Pause]

Okay?

 

[Pause]

Iím almost ready.Are you ready to go?

 

[Pause]

Are you ready yet?

 

[Pause]

I said Iím almost ready.Are you ready yet?

 

[Blackout.]

[Fin]

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