copyright © 2002 Clinton A. Johnston

Greek to Me

By

Clinton A. Johnston

9/20/02

Characters

Man — 30s, 40s. Settled in for a long flight. Speaks French.

Woman — 30s, 40s. Nervous. Suspicious. Well-intentioned. Civic minded. Doesn’t speak French

Dude — teens, 20s. Skipped French.

Stewardess — 30s, 40s. Doing her job.

Setting

Passengers sit on a large jet, waiting to take off on their cross country flight.

[Man and Woman are in the same row on the left side of the plane (facing front). Woman is in the aisle seat. Man is in the center seat. Dude is in the row behind them in a window seat. He is listening to head phones. The men in question are a couple of rows ahead on the right side of the plane, effectively offstage.

Woman is staring at the men curiously, maybe even suspiciously. She will continue to do this throughout the scene. She starts out speaking to man in a whisper-like, conspiratorial tone.

Man is reading something and is only interested in continuing to read.]

 

 

Woman

Did you hear that? [Beat] I think those men are speaking Arabic.

Man

It’s French.

Woman

What?

Man

They’re speaking French.

Woman

Oh. [Beat][Beat] Are you sure?

Man

Yeah.

Woman

How can you be sure?

Man

Because I speak French.

Woman

You do?

Man

Uh-huh.

[Pause]

Woman

What are they saying?

Man

[Listens]

I don’t know.

Woman

I thought you said you spoke French.

Man

I just speak it. I didn’t say I was fluent.

Woman

Well, can you tell what they’re saying now?

Man

[Listens]

"Not"

Woman

Not?

Man

Yeah, "Not", the negative. They negated something.

Woman

[Finding significance in that.]

[Looks at the men with greater suspicion.]

Oh.

[Pause]

What are they saying now?

Man

[Listens]

I don’t know. I can’t understand them.

Woman

Why are they speaking French like that?

Man

[A little sarcastic]

I don’t know. Maybe they’re French.

Woman

[A little suspicious]

How come you know French?

Man

[Tired of talking to her.]

They made us study it in school, I guess.

Woman

They made you study French?

Man

Yeah, they made us pick a language; I picked French.

Woman

[Beat as she considers this.]

Why did they do that?

[Dude finishes listening to his music and takes off his earphones, hears the men talking]

Man

I guess so we could understand other people.

Woman

But you said you couldn’t understand those men.

Man

[This stops him.]

Yeah.

Woman

[Pause. Looks back to men.]

Do you think we should tell somebody?

Man

Tell who? "Excuse me stewardess. Those two guys are speaking French."

Woman

Well, I just thought, with all that’s going on …

Dude

[Beat]

Dude, what language is that?

Man

It’s French!

Dude

Are you sure, man?

Woman

He speaks it, but he doesn’t understand it.

Dude

That’s fucked up, dude.

Woman

Yes, I thought it was strange myself. [Beat] I can’t see why they don’t speak English like everyone else.

Man

[Sarcastically]

Maybe they’ve got something to hide.

Woman

Do you think?

[Woman and Dude consider that. Pause]

Dude

Dude, we should tell somebody, right?

Man

Look! They’re doing nothing wrong! They’re not hurting anybody. They’re just sitting there, speaking French!

[Embarrassed. To the men]

Pardon.

[Pause. Woman and Dude look at him. This has a big effect on them.]

Dude

Dude … you spoke to those guys.

Woman

I didn’t know you could talk to them.

Man

I told you I spoke French!

Woman

But you said you couldn’t understand those men.

Dude

How can you speak to them, but not understand them?

Man

I don’t know. C’est un mystère.

[Woman and Dude are really taken aback by this.]

What? Quoi? Qu’avez-vous? Quel dommage! Comme çi, comme ça! Je ne sais quois? Bonjour! Merci! Baguette! Escargot!

[Pause. Woman and Dude are shocked.]

Dude

Dude, that ain’t right.

Woman

I don’t think you ought to talk like that … times like these … it’s disrespectful.

Dude

Yeah, it’s like, submersive.

Man

It’s not ... what is wrong with you people?

[Enter Stewardess.]

Stewardess

Excuse me, folks. We’re sorry to keep you on the ground so long, but there’ve been complaints from a number of passengers … some suspicious men in this section.

Woman

Those two men up there, they were speaking in a funny language.

Dude

Yeah. Hey … this guy was talking to them.

Woman

Yes. And when we asked him about it, he got very upset.

Dude

I think he was gonna’hit me, man.

Stewardess

Is this true, sir?

Man

I … I was … I was just … French!

Stewardess

I see. Could you step with me, sir?

Man

But I–

Stewardess

Could you come with me, sir? We’ll just to speak with security and straighten this all out.

[Exit Man and Stewardess]

Dude

That dude was fucked up.

Woman

Well, we faced him.

Dude

Yeah. We’re like heroes.

Woman

It just goes to show how adversity can bring people together.

[Fin]

[Blackout]

"Greek to Me" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

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