copyright © 2001 Clinton A. Johnston

The Law of Sex

By

Clinton Johnston

(No Shame, 11/9/01)

Characters

Announcer — a little nervous

Carl Shiverington — abrupt, stick up his ass

Justin — male adolescent (lines delivered matter of fact or deadpan)

Jane — female adolescent (lined delivered matter of fact or deadpan)

Announcer

Welcome fellow educators to our symposium on adolescent development. As you know, all this weekend, we will be discussing the various aspects of … of development facing the students whom we teach and counsel every day. We are very fortunate this afternoon to have with us, Mr. Carl Shiverington. Mr. Shiverington is here to offer us a much overlooked perspective on the much looked-over topic of adolescent sexuality. Mr. Shiverington. [Leads the applause for Shiverington’s entrance.]

[Exit Announcer to audience. Enter Shiverington]

Shiverington

Sex!

That’s why we’re here, isn’t it … in both the immediate and greater existential sense? Sex! What is adolescence if not the time when children gain the ability to experience and thus seek out sexual pleasure? On the other hand, their ability (or inability as it were) to deal with these changes is what takes up so much of our time and is why we are here right now.

While we pummel these little hormone weasels with the biological, societal, and spiritual consequences of sexual experimentation, there is one set of consequences that goes pretty much ignored. That is legal consequences.

As Virginia educators and counselors in Virginia, we shirk our duty if we do not let our children know the risks they put themselves at as Virginia citizens. This talk is to let you know so that you can let them know.

For your education, we present a situation in which your children may find themselves.

[Justin and Jane come from the audience and sit in the chairs.]

Justin

Hey, Jane. [Beat] Wanna’ fool around?

Jane

Sure.

Justin

Wanna’ go all the way?

Jane

Sure.

[Begin to take their clothes off. Freeze when Shiverington says, "Stop!" Freeze for a moment and then readjust/refasten clothes and then sit in chairs in a neutral position.]

Shiverington

Stop! Oh, the power of peer pressure. Can anyone resist its thunderous grasp? Well, perhaps the knowledge that they are about to commit a crime might do something to quell their raging fires. Crime you ask? Yes. I’m sure that most of you would be surprised to find that most adolescent sex is illegal. How can this be so? For that, we must turn to the Code of Virginia.

[Read and explain.]

A sobering thought. But many adolescents these days (no thanks to a certain former president) believe alternate sexual behaviors such as oral sex to be less significant and thus more acceptable sexual experiences. What happens if this scene is slightly different?

Jane

Hey, Justin. [Beat] Wanna’ fool around?

Justin

Sure.

Jane

Wanna’ go all the way?

Justin

Sure. Wait. I … [looks for a condum] um … do you have anything?

Jane

No, [Checks her pockets.] I think I’m out.

Justin

[Bummed]

Oh … you wanna’ just go down on each other?

Jane

[Thinks about it.]

Hmm … just a blowjob? … okay.

[Begin to take their clothes off. Freeze when Shiverington says, "Stop!" Freeze for a moment and then readjust/refasten clothes and then sit in chairs in a neutral position.]

Shiverington

Stop! Just a blowjob? Let’s just see what the Law has to say about that?

[Read and explain.]

So what is it that we tell our children? Well, obviously the only legally safe option is to avoid any form of sexual gratification beyond personal and mutual masturbation. If they must experiment with other sexual forms, they are safer from legal standpoint engaging in standard, heterosexual, penetrative intercourse. It’s the difference between a $250 fine and jail time in addition to a fine that is ten times as much. Armed with information, their strongest weapon, our kids may find themselves in this final scenario.

Justin

Hey, Jane. Wanna’ make out?

Jane

Sure.

Justin

Wanna’ go all the way?

Jane

Are you kidding? That’s against the law.

Justin

Good point.

Jane

How about some heavy petting and a hand job instead?

Justin

Sure.

[The two begin to take off their clothes and go a second or two farther than they did the previous times. (This is important to give the audience that, "Wait. What are they doing?" moment. Both Jane and Justin stop themselves, and then look at Shiverington with a "Well, what are you waiting for?" look.]

Shiverington

Oh, don’t stop. It’s perfectly legal.

[Blackout]

"The Law of Sex" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"The Law of Sex" debuted November 9, 2001.

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