Voltaire, Cigars, and Super Bowl Sunday with a side of Keystone Light
Ray: Ahhh, the best day of the year. Better than Easter, Halloween, Christmas, and even New Year. Its Super Bowl fucking Sunday. Got my chair, my TV, and my Keystone Light. Life cant get much better.
Ray: What the hell are you doin boy? Get your ass out here and enjoy an American tradition!!
Ray: Johnny!!!! Get your ass out here and watch the fuckin game! Put down that fuckin book for once in your Goddamn life!
Ray: Johnny, what did I just fuckin tell you.
(Johnny walks up, he has obviously been disturbed)
Johnny: (Annoyed) What?!?
Ray: Put down that fuckin book for once and watch the fuckin tube. What the hells that your reading; anyway?
Ray: What? What the fucks "Candied"?
Johnny: Candide, its by Voltaire, the French philosopher?...
Ray: What? Voltex?... Fench?... Boy, get your ass in gear and watch some football!
Johnny: (Sarcastic) You mean soccer?
Ray: What? I said football, this aint no soccer.
Johnny: (Sarcastic) Oh, well most of the world calls soccer football, Dad.
Ray: Soccer is for fuckin queers.
Johnny: Yeah... as opposed to all of these guys in tight pants showing off their asses. (False excitement) Oh, look! Hes putting his hands by the other guys ass and look, he takes something from the guys ass and then , and then he gives the ass gift to someone else!! Oh and this other guy desperately wants to hug him. (Wooing) Awe, he did a good job and oh he just got slapped on the ass. Isnt that cute?
Ray: Boy, you show respect. This game is as American as as Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Johnny: Arnold is Austrian, not American dumbass!
Ray: Whatever boy. Just sit down. These guys are the best of the best.
Johnny: You know I could be the best at shoving peapods up my urethra but that doesnt mean its worth devoting an entire day just to watch it.
Ray: You can do what?!? Hey, that might be really cool!
Johnny: No, Dad! I cant I mean (Frustrated) Im trying to make a point about how stupid and arbitrary this "American Tradition" is!!!
Ray: If you can fit a peapod up that tiny little whole then shit, you may have a future after all.
Johnny: (Extremely fed up) Urg!!! Just shut up and leave me alone!!!
Ray: Hey! You you show some respect!! Whatd the hell I do to deserve this?!?
Johnny: Dad!! When you coached little league, youd hand out Black and Milds and Keystone Light whenever we won a game.
Ray: So one incident, dont mean nothin.
Johnny: One incident !! (Really frustrated) You came in drunk to parents day and urinated in the drinking fountain!!
Ray: I dont remember that!!!
Johnny: Of course you dont!!! You were fucking drunk!! Fuck your stupid football, Im going to go finish my book! (Leaves)
Ray: Whatever boy, I dont want you hear anyway. All I need is my game and my Keystone Ah, Super Bowl Sunday Gotta love it!THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR