THE FIRST THANKSGIVING

Premiered November 1994.  Performers:  Bones
(Jeremiah), Mike MacEachern (Chief), Bronwyn Mills
(Prudence).  (Don't remember who did Ambrose, Marc
Branch?)

mdh, 1994

Two pilgrims Ambrose and Jeremiah compare Pilgrim-type
notes.

	AMBROSE
Yea, verily, Brother Jeremiah, the news is bleak.  We
have invited the Indians to share in a feast of giving
thanks, but our harvest is meager.  We may not have
even enough to survive this winter ourselves.  

	JEREMIAH
What be the problem?  

	AMBROSE
Our cow has cowpox.  Our chicken has chickenpox.  And
our ox has ox-pox.  

	JEREMIAH
Yea, verily, that sucketh.  Perhaps we could have a
feast of cursegiving.

	AMBROSE
Sister Prudence has been trying to make something out
of the indigenous foods.  (Sister Prudence enters with
a plate.)

	PRUDENCE
Oh, brothers Jeremiah and Ambrose, I be a failure.  I
tried to cook this native maize and the only recipe I
could make work is:  Creamed Corn on the Cob.  (Holds
up a reamed corncob with a pasty film around it.)

	AMBROSE AND JEREMIAH
Ugh!

	PRUDENCE
What are we to do?

	JEREMIAH
I have an idea.  Why don't we take the corn, powder it
into a meal, roll it, bake it into a flake, sprinkle
it with crystals from the sugar cane, and put it in a
cardboard box with the picture of some tiger on it.  

	AMBROSE
That be a stupid idea.  Wait a moment.  The chief
approaches.  (Chief Wannamakapitui enters.  Ambrose
raises his hand.)  How.  

	CHIEF
(gives him a high five.)  Fine, thank you.  And how
are you?

	AMBROSE
Not very well.  I believe the swamp vapors have
invaded my aethers causing a general exhaustion.

	CHIEF
Swamp vapors do not cause disease.

	AMBROSE
You do not understand the Western advances in
medicine.

	CHIEF
It sounds like Epstein-Barr virus to me.

	AMBROSE
We can discuss this later.  I would like you to meet
Brother Jeremiah.

	CHIEF
Hello.

	JEREMIAH
Hello.

	AMBROSE
And Sister Prudence.

	PRUDENCE
You can call me Prude.  (The Chief kisses her hand.)

	AMBROSE
Our savage friend here is the Chief of a large tribe
of Indians.

	CHIEF
We are not actually from India.  Columbus made a
mistake.

	AMBROSE
You obviously do not understand the Western advances
in geography.  

	CHIEF
We can discuss it later.  I have come to ask when will
be the great feast of thanksgivingness?

	AMBROSE
Do you desire to break it to him, Jeremiah?

	JEREMIAH
Me?  You are the one in charge.

	PRUDENCE
I will tell him.  Chief, we have no harvest and our
livestock has stock-pox.  We are not able to share
food with you, in fact, we ourselves will surely
starve this winter.  We will last only one month and
then you will see us no more.

	CHIEF
I regret that we only have enough provisions this
winter for our own tribe or else surely I would have
shared some with you.  

	AMBROSE
That's mighty white of you, Chief Indian-man.

	CHIEF
Thanks, I guess.  But please do not call me
Indian-man.  My name is Izzy Wannamakapitui.  In your
language that translates to:  Chief
Tastes-Like-Chicken.

	JEREMIAH
(The settlers pause as an idea registers separately in
each of their minds.  They glance at one another.) 
Tastes-Like-Chicken?

	CHIEF
Yes.  And I hope you will meet my daughter,
Runs-Like-Cranberry-Sauce.

	THE PILGRIMS
(Nodding their heads.)  Mmmm.   

	CHIEF
And my brother, Steamy-Buttermilk-Biscuit.

	THE PILGRIMS
MMMMMM.

	CHIEF
And my cousin, Creamy-Lima-Beans.

	THE PILGRIMS
(Shake their heads, no.)  Unnh.

	CHIEF
And my nephew, Succulent-Pecan-Pie-With-Cool-Whip.  

	THE PILGRIMS
MMMMMM.  

	AMBROSE
Chief Tastes-Like-Chicken.  (Mmmmm.)  I feel we have
made a grievous error.  If you. . . and your family
will join us at our Thanksgiving feast we will surely
find something to eat.  
 	JEREMIAH AND PRUDENCE
Mmmmmm.

	CHIEF
Thank you.  We will be honored if you would have us
for dinner.

	THE PILGRIMS
Mmmmmm.

	CHIEF
Until then.  Ciao.  (The chief exits.)

	AMBROSE
You see my brother and sister, we should not doubt the
charity of our Lord.  We will indeed have something to
be thankful for in this our first feast of
Thanksgiving.

	THE PILGRIMS
Mmmmm.

THE END

"THE FIRST THANKSGIVING" premiered November 1994. Performers: Bones (Jeremiah), Mike MacEachern (Chief), Bronwyn Mills (Prudence). (Don't remember who did Ambrose, Marc Branch?)

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