copyright © 2002 Mark J. Hansen

White Meat Like Pork Or Breast Chicken

By Mark J. Hansen

(The stage is dark. Grimace walks dr & illuminates his face with a flashlight. Lights up. The cast is lined up center stage.)

Grimace: Bank of Overseas Chinese. Speedy, Infallible, Nice and Overhaul!

(October does a Speedy pose on Speedy, Fort does an Infallible pose on Infallible, Malleable does a Nice pose on Nice and PeterBrook does an Overhaul pose on Overhaul.)

Grimace: Bank of Overseas Chinese, we'll sock your money, you'll be best friends!

(October is a teller, Fort is a customer. They only move their lips, while Malleable and PeterBrook dub their voices.)

October/Malleable: Howdy, customer!

Fort/PeterBrook: And aloha returned. Where do I put my money when it is locked up?

October/Malleable: No cares for you anywhere. We'll take it careful and accrue. Interested?

Fort/PeterBrook: You are stunning beautiful!

(October and Fort shake hands while Malleable and PeterBrook laugh.)

Grimace: The Bank of Overseas Chinese, a Bank of Touching!

(PeterBrook swaggers towards October. He is wearing a derby hat and smoking an unlit cigarette.)

PeterBrook: Je suis Americain.

October: (Giggles.) You can say that to me!

PeterBrook: What say you and I for an I.O.U.? Or have a bond. Savings bond.

October: (To the audience.) We met in the bank. Will he hold me, if only accountable?

(PeterBrook slaps October, she kisses him passionately.)

PeterBrook: (On his knees.) Will you take a blood test?

October: As far as I can throw pillow!

Grimace: Bank of Overseas Chinese, funds for all of us!

(Fort and Malleable burst in; Malleable is holding a boom box.)

Fort: Hold up the process!

(October and PeterBrook gasp and quiver.)

Fort: (Pointing at October and PeterBrook.) The world will dance because of you! You will dance because of you!

(Malleable plays the music on the boom box. All dance.)

Grimace: Bank of Overseas Chinese is a Bank on Roller-Skates. Why? So you don't have to!

(Malleable pretends to be on roller-skates.)

Malleable: I am more efficient! I am transportable! I am wicked! I am freezing scared! Help! I am having fun! Look out when I do your job, or just maybe!

Grimace: It's the Bank of Overseas Chinese! But Ouch, what do you do?

(Cast lines up as in beginning.)

October: (Miming a phone.) I make a voice that tastes like peppermint. Receptionist is the name of my trade!

Fort: (Miming pulling rope and grunting.) Grunt work. It's a hard day of nights for me!

Malleable: (Miming being pulled by a leash.) I pretend to have a pet dog! His name is Cool! He is so not there!

PeterBrook: I am Eskimo. There is nothing here.

(Grimace clicks off the flashlight and joins the line-up in the center.)

Grimace: Bank of Overseas Chinese. (Pointing to the ground.) We are right here...

All: (Unison, pointing to the audience.) ...Help us find Yourself!

(Blackout.)

"White Meat Like Pork Or Breast Chicken" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"White Meat Like Pork Or Breast Chicken" debuted February 22, 2002, with the following cast:
Grimace: Jamal River
October: Toni Wilson
Fort: Seth Brenneman
Malleable: Steven Heuertz
PeterBrook: Aaron Galbraith

Performed at Best of No Shame on May 3, 2002.


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