Adam is dressed as a substitute teacher.

LIGHTS UP.

Improvise an introduction, explaining that I've formed several haiku by rearranging words I found pinned to a paper turkey in a seventh grade classroom. I've formed other haiku using events I have experienced as a substitute teacher.

I am thankful for
Girls, XBox, four-wheelers, guns.
I am Jeremy.

Hooded sweatshirt girl
Pretends to be retarded.
I know she's in TAG.

I am thankful for
My health, and greasy bacon.
And also pickles.

Very simple rule:
You say the word, "jizz," in class,
You serve detention.

They ask my first name.
I claim it's, "Mister." They pause.
Then, "Are you Amish?"

I am thankful for
Son, good students, chocolate.
I am Ms. Tanner.

Paper airplane flies.
Michael! I saw you throw it.
Go to the office.

I am not Amish.
Really, I am not Amish.
I am Mister Hahn.

LIGHTS DOWN.

• November 12, 2004 - No Shame Iowa City
  

  Performed by Adam Hahn.
  

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