Business Casual

or: She Started It

Adam Hahn

(Speaker is onstage, facing to the side as if seated at a computer. He will turn in his chair to speak to the audience.)

(LIGHTS UP)

There's a girl in the cubicle next to mine. I guess we haven't really talked much, but we see each other every day, and you'd be surprised how much you can learn about a person by overhearing their phone conversations. Like, she heard me call from work a couple of times to check in while my dad was in the hospital, so she'll ask me how my parents are doing, and I've learned a lot about her friends by listening to her coordinate her lunch plans.

I was eating lunch at my desk a couple of weeks ago when she came in, grabbed the granola bar sitting next to my computer, and ran out. Then I heard her giggling in her cubicle, and she held it up so I could see it over the wall, proclaiming, "Now it's my granola bar!"

Since then, we've been stealing things as a way of flirting with each other. We'll take each other's pens, or on Friday I ran away with her mousepad, saying I was "King of the Mousepads!" She ran to my desk to grab whatever she could. We started playing tug-of-war with a role of double-sided tape, and we were practically holding hands.

I had this great idea. She's diabetic, and every day she gives herself a shot after lunch. She was out of her cube for a few minutes this morning, so I snuck over, and I took her syringe and the insulin out of her purse. Can you imagine the look on her face when she looks for those and they aren't there?

She'll be so mad at me!

I'm going to jump up when she gets back and say, "Who is the Wizard of Glucose Regulation? With this magic wand with this magic potion, I must be the Wizard of Glucose Regulation!"

I wonder where she is. It's almost time to go home, and she hasn't come back from lunch yet. What happened to her?

If I can pry off the panel where the wiring goes beneath through the cubicle divider, I want to try to steal one of her shoes while she's typing.

(LIGHTS DOWN)

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