I Hate Bob Dylan
By Dale Gregory © 2005
(LIGHTS UP ON WOMAN)
I hate Bob Dylan. Cant stand him.
People only pretend to celebrate him because its the new cool retro thing to do. Ever since they dragged his ass out recently to do 60 Minutes, everyone is buying his music again.
People love to rave how hes a "true" provocative artist with an innovative musical style.
(laughs)Its not a style, its an impersonation of a senile, ninety year old black blues singer. And a bad one at that.
Everyone goes on and on how he stirred the masses in the 1960s. Shit is what he stirred. Shitty songs that all sound the same. Well, the two or three that Ive heard anyway.
Its just him and a guitar! Then another with him, a guitar and a harmonica. I wanna crawl out of my skin.
I have the same reaction to that M.C. Escher guy. Just like Dylan, he also claimed to be an artist.
The man drew a picture of himself looking in a reflective ball. (feigning gasp) "How did he do that? Im looking at a man looking at himself in a reflective ball who is looking at himself in a reflective ball!!!"
Big deal. I can do the same thing in my bathroom. I have a mirror on the back of the door as well as a large one on the opposite wall. (feigning gasp)"Its me looking at myself in the mirror taking a shit looking at myself in the mirror taking a shit."
Stupid picture if you ask me. It wasnt even a painting. In fact he never painted. He only sketched with a pencil. His name should be MC Sketcher. What kind of an artist doesnt paint? Ill tell you what kind. The same one that only sings with a guitar.
Now, I admit I know very little of the mans work but like Dylan I dont need to experience more. If it smells like crap and looks like crap
Celine Dion? Now, she my friend is what I call a true provocative artist. Her Las Vegas show is nothing short of spectacular. Combining song, theatre, dance and state-of-the-art technology, shes an musician in every way.
Its an amazing what shes accomplished. A one woman show with other people. Because lets face it. It would be boring if it werent.
God, I love her!
Performed by Andy Lurie