Come on, Jesus
by
Jon "Der Fuhrer" Grace & Cool Jesse
Lights down.
Announcer: You don’t have to wait until you’re out of college to start a relationship with Jesus.
Lights up.
Jesus smacks Woman.
Jesus: Get out dis bitch demon!
Woman leaves.
Jesus: Man, performing miracles is tough; I could really go for a beer.
Enter Man stage left.
Man: What’s up Jesus? King of king’s in the house.
Jesus: Hey, how’s it going, my son?
Man: Pretty good. I didn’t know you were in town.
Jesus: Oh, I’m just passing through, performing some miracles.
Man: Yeah? You thinkin’ you might stick around a couple days or so?
Jesus: I go where I am needed.
Man: Oh, you performing any miracles tonight or anything?
Jesus: The wicked have been cast from this place.
Man: Obviously wanting to ask Jesus on a date, but beating around the bush. So, you maybe wanna go somewhere . . . not together . . . same time-same place . . . we just show up . . . like maybe?
Jesus: Puzzled. I . . . ah . . . I guess. What did you have in mind?
Man: Excited. Oh that’s awesome! I can’t believe it! You wanna come over to my place, say 8ish?
Jesus: Um . . .
Man: No, no! It’ll be great! I got some water, you can turn it into wine. I rented a movie!
Jesus: Interested. Oh really, what movie?
Man: Under his breath. Men Alone 2: The KY Connection.
Jesus: Oh . . . oh . . . I’m not really . . . I’m not into that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, you know-it’s just not my bag.
Man: Not giving-up. Come on. You ever thought about it?
Jesus: Well, everyone’s thought about it, it doesn’t mean I do it.
Man: What? You afraid it’s a sin?
Jesus: Shocked and defensive. I never said that.
Man: You said yourself it’s not a sin, and even if it was, God would forgive you, right?
Jesus: Well, yeah technically. I guess I could give it a . . . no, no I can’t do that. I mean, come on I’m Jesus. I have an image to keep up.
Man: Gets really close to Jesus. The only people who are gonna know are you and me.
Jesus: Apprehensive. I’ve been hurt before.
Man: I’m not like those others. Come on, Jesus. Have some faith.
Jesus: Alright, but you have to promise me one thing. Promise me . . .
Man: Interrupting. Shhhh! Enough talk, I want to get all up in that ass.
Man bends Jesus over the table and he grunts loudly. Jesus moans.
Blackout.
"Come On, Jesus" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Come On, Jesus" debuted February 14, 2003, performed by Danielle Kovalick, Chris LaVoie, Paul Rust.
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