Father / Daughter Talk
by Jeff Goode copyright © 1995Daughter
Dad, I have something to tell you.
Father
Not now.
Daughter
Yes, now.
Father
Can't it wait?
Daughter
No.
Father
All right, what is it?
Daughter
I'm having an abortion.
Father
What! You're pregnant?
Daughter
Sorry, I forgot. Dad, I'm pregnant.
Father
You're pregnant? That's terrible.
Daughter
I've decided to have an abortion.
Father
That's even worse!
Daughter
Don't try to pressure me into changing my decision.
Father
I think you should have the baby.
Daughter
I can't.
Father
Why not?
Daughter
You're the father.
Father
Oh, well that changes things.
Daughter
I couldn't live with the scandal.
Father
I'm not your father.
Daughter
I'm adopted?
Father
No, you're hypnotized.
Daughter
Hypnotized? This is all a fantasy?
Father
That's right. You like to pretend I'm your father because it makes your climaxes more intense.
Daughter
They are pretty intense.
Father
I know.
Daughter
But really you're my husband?
Father
Well, no.
Daughter
My boyfriend.
Father
No.
Daughter
I give up, then.
Father
I'm your brother.
Daughter
Oh.
(putting her hand on her stomach:)
I've always wanted a niece.
"Father / Daughter Talk" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Father / Daughter Talk" debuted November 13, 1995, performed by Jen Johnson & Seán Judge.
Performed at No Shame / Los Angeles on November 1, 2002 by Jared McClurg and Liz Martin.
Performed at No Shame / Los Angeles on December 5, 2008 by Tenaya Cleveland and Greg Machlin.
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