| Voice | A Christmas Carol. By Charles Dickens.
(Scrooge sitting center stage.)
|
| Scrooge | I hate Christmas. |
| Voice | Merry Christmas! |
| Scrooge | Shut up!
(Marley appears to his left)
|
| Marley | Hi, Scrooge. |
| Scrooge | Jacob Marley! Holy shit, you've been dead for seven
years! |
| Marley | I've come back to haunt you. |
| Scrooge | Me? What for? |
| Marley | Because you suck. Now shut up and listen. You will be
visited by three spirits. The first will come tomorrow night at one o'clock. The next will come on
the next night at the same time. And the third will come the night after that, also at one o'clock.
|
| Scrooge | So, by the time they're done with me, it will be
December 28th. |
| Marley | Right. |
| Scrooge | Wouldn't it be easier to have them all come tonight and
be done with, and then I can sleep in on Christmas day? |
| Marley | No.
(Marley exits.)
|
| Scrooge | Boy, how spooky.
(Scrooge falls asleep, snoring.)
(First Ghost appears to his right.)
|
| Ghost 1 | Howdy. |
| Scrooge | Yow!! |
| Ghost 1 | I'm the Ghost of Christmas past. Look.
(They both look out over the audience.)
|
| Scrooge | My God, I used to enjoy Christmas. |
| Ghost 1 | What happened? |
| Scrooge | My girlfriend dumped me, because she thought I was
too wrapped up in my work. What a dunce I was. |
| Ghost 1 | Bye
(First Ghost exits.)
|
| Scrooge | How spooky.
(Second Ghost appears to his left.)
|
| Ghost 2 | I am the ghost of Christmas present. |
| Scrooge | Hi. |
| Ghost 2 | Look.
(They both look out over the audience.)
|
| Scrooge | Oh, how awful. Bob Cratchit and his family virtually
starving to death. Tiny Tim has some debilating bone disease. I bet he's gonna die soon.
|
| Ghost 2 | Yep. Next Friday. |
| Scrooge | That's strange. They seem to be having a good time
anyway. |
| Ghost 2 | That's right. Bye.
(Second Ghost exits.)
|
| Scrooge | How spooky.
(Third Ghost appears to his right. Doesn't say anything, just pokes him with his long bony
finger.)
|
| Scrooge | What?
What??
Stop poking me, what do you want?
Who are you? What do you want? Stop poking me.
(Scrooge happens to look out.)
Hey, look, there's a tombstone with my name on it. Hey, where'd you go?
(But the Third Ghost has also disappeared.)
How spooky.
(A Fellow enters.)
|
| Fellow | Good morning, Mister Scrooge. |
| Scrooge | Hey, you know what? I could be dead by this time
next year. I should stop working so hard and have a little fun. |
| Fellow | Merry Christmas. |
| Scrooge | God bless us everyone. |
Library]
