Swans Self
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 1986
Ptoy. Do you ever love me?
Yeva. Have I ever hated you?
Ptoy. You hate me now.
Yeva. I can love and hate. My scope is large.
Ptoy. Then love me now.
Yeva. There is nothing to love.
Ptoy. Then why did you bleed for me?
Yeva. Does a man need a reason to bleed?
Swan. You have a reason. You hide it well, but I have never known you to act without reason.
Yeva. You dont know me at all. (to Ptoy) I love you.
Ptoy. (to Swan) You caused this.
Swan. Its what you want.
Yeva. She doesnt want it. She only cries because tears are beautiful.
Ptoy. You love me. You try to deny the truth by pretending to speak it as if it were a lie, but in truth you are admitting what you cannot say without deceit.
Loje. (to Swan) Leave them alone. Cant you see this is their chance to live?
Swan. Speak only when spoken to.
Loje. I am spoken to. Your lips, her eyes, his gesture. You need me. Admit this, if only to yourself.
Ptoy. You can only destroy me. Shut up, before you help us all.
Loje. Why do you talk to me? You know I will only solve your problems.
Yeva. Be quiet. (to Ptoy) You love to suffer.
Ptoy. There! You love me without hate.
Swan. Shut up! Youre using your head.
Yeva. No! Hide me!
Ptoy. You filthy liar! You love me more than yourself. You disgust me.
Swan. (to Loje) Now look what you have done. Everything is as it should be. They are in love. This is not your place.
Loje. You will die now. There is nothing to manipulate. Listen to yourself.
Self. You have a reason. You hide it well, but I have never known you to act without reason.
Swan. I have no self. I am selfless.
Self. I am your Self. Try to control me.
Swan. I would never say that.
Self. I could use your words: Try to heal me.
Loje. Admit it. This is what you want.
Yeva. (to Ptoy) Do you love me?
Ptoy. You know the answer to that, you scum.
Pomm. Mine is a beauty you cannot understand.
Swan. That is what I am. I am selfless.
Loje. This is your Self. You cant get closer by walking away.
Pomm. I am the sun. You fall, Icarus.
Self. Look at yourself. You are not like that. "Mine is a beauty you cannot understand."
Swan. I understand you.
Self. I know you do.
Loje. Like you understand yourself.
Pomm. I was lead. I am gold. I cannot be seen.
Ptoy. (to Swan) Will you forget us because you have problems of your own?
Yeva. We are happy.
Ptoy. Shut up. We dont have any problems, but we arent happy.
Pomm. Mine is a beauty you cannot understand.
Swan. That is what I want from myself.
Self. That is what I want to be.
Loje. You get closer by walking away.
Pomm. A heat that comes from nowhere, from within. I am your soul. You cannot touch me.
Performed by Katie Ryan, Erich Heinz, Julie Stiner, Jeff Goode, Stephanie Stewart, Juliet Cella