copyright © 2009 Jeff Goode

Still So Much To Say
"Stephanie's Piece"

STEPHANIE. Hi! You don't know me, but I was just walking by, and I heard you was loaded. Now, maybe they just meant you was wasted, which, by the looks of you, that could be, and in that case, I'm sorry to bother you and I'll just grab a beer on my wait out, if you'd be so kind as to point me to the ice chest.

But if you're the other kind of loaded-the good kind of loaded-I mean, they're both good, but the kind with money. Rich loaded. If you're that kind of loaded, then I think I have a proposition for you that I cannot wait to tell you about.

I'll take that as a "yes".

Okay, have you ever heard the one about the Playboy bunny that got hooked up with that 90-year-old billionaire guy and then he died like two weeks later, and now she's a billionaire in his will? Well, how would you like to do that? Hook up with a Playboy bunny?

Okay, so here's what we do. Now, I'm not a Playboy bunny. Not yet. But I think once Playboy finds out I'm married to a rich old dead guy, then this story is right up their alley and PLING! Just like that, I'm Miss February. She's the romantic one.

So what do you say? And we don't even have to get married! This can be totally no strings. You just have to put me in your will. We don't even have to have sex!

Oh, wait. You're a guy. You probably want that. I probably shouldn't have said that about the not-having-sex-ever. All right, let me start over.

(IF YOU REACH THE END... go back to the BEGINNING OF YOUR MONOLOGUE and start over.)
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