- December 8, 2006 - No Shame Los Angeles
Performed by Lia Abbate & Jeff Goode [spider].
‘Twas the Night Before…Spider!!
by Spider the No Shame Spider
(A STORYTELLER holding a copy of Clement Clark Moore’s NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, opens it, as if to read. Enter a GIGANTIC SPIDER on her shoulder. He reads:)
SPIDER
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas,(Storyteller closes the book with a snap.)
I hate mice.
They’re too big to eat - and too small to clean my apartment.
I’ve got a mouse in my apartment right now - and he doesn’t do shit.
And every Christmas I leave out milk and cookies for Santa.
And in the morning — the cookies are gone.
...Almost as if Santa Claus had eaten them.
But I think it’s that fucking mouse!
Because he never drinks the milk.
And because the whole next day, he’s actin’ all nice to me.
And then he cleans my apartment.
(sobs)
Merry Christmas, mouse.
(Storyteller offers Spider a handkerchief to blow his nose.)
(FADE TO BLACK.)
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Lia Abbate & Jeff Goode [spider].
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