by Spider the No Shame Spider
(Two people standing side by side. A HUGE SPIDER crawls in from stage left.)
Hey! Hey, you! Hey, buddy!
(pause.) Boo! Ha ha ha! You shoulda seen the look on your face! You were scared shitless!!
No, I wasnt.
Sure you were. You were scared out of your freakin mind.
No. I wasnt.
(Beat) Oh. Oh, okay. Oh, I get it. You want to look cool in front of your new boyfriend. You dont want to look like a big fraidy cat.
This is not my boyfriend.
Oh! And now you dont want to look gay in front of the whole audience. Well, admit it, youre gay and youre afraid to admit it!
I am gay!
Denial!! Youre not foolin anyone! Youre not gay and you are scared shitless. Youre scared straight and its all because of me. (to the Audience) And next week Im gonna turn all of you straight! And theres nothing you can do about it! Ah ha ha ha ha!
They are straight! Youre not a scary spider.
You say that now! But wait until youre all gay and shitless! Ha ha ha ha!
You see that?
(other guy nods.)
I told you something like this would happen if you didnt get your hand out of my ass.
(Jeff removes his hand from Victims ass.)
Sorry. Hand was cold.
(Victim grumbles and exits.)
Its warm now.
BLACKOUTTHIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Brian Anderson [Spider], Dale Gregory and Jeff Goode