- October 14, 2005 - No Shame Los Angeles
Performed by Ben Zolno and Jeff Goode [Spider]
- October 10, 2006 - 20th Anniversary Week Without Shame (Iowa City)
Performed by Adam Hahn and Jeff Goode [Spider]
Spider!!
by Spider the No Shame Spider
(Two people standing side by side. A HUGE SPIDER crawls up on one of their shoulders.)
SPIDER
Hey! Hey! Hey, Vic!
VICTIM
What?
SPIDER
(pause.) Boo! Ha ha ha! You shoulda seen the look on your face! You were scared shitless!!
VICTIM (calm)
No, I’m wasn’t.
(Beat. Spider, embarrassed.)
SPIDER
No, maybe not now. Because you were expecting it. But wait till next week!
VICTIM
What’s next week?
SPIDER
Wouldn’t you like to know? I bet the anticipation is killing you! I bet you’re just dying to find out!!
VICTIM
Not really.
SPIDER
All right, I’ll tell you!
Next week… is one week… from the Friday before… HALLOWEEN!! Ah ha ha ha!!
VICTIM
What happens on Halloween?
SPIDER
Nothing! That’s the whole idea! You EXPECT me to scare you on Halloween, so I’m not going to scare you at all. But you’d never expect me to scare you three days before Halloween!
VICTIM
I kinda expect it now that you told me that’s what you’re going to do.
SPIDER
Well… Sure… You expect it in this piece. In the spider piece. But one week from next week, I’ll be in EVERY PIECE. I’ll be everywhere. I’ll be in Sinclaire’s hair! I’ll be in Rothschild’s pants. In two weeks, I’ll be your worst nightmare!!
VICTIM
Actually, something hairy with eight legs coming out of Rothschild’s pants is already my worst nightmare.
SPIDER
You laugh now! But in two weeks I’ll have you screaming! Screaming! And there’s nothing you can do to stop me! Nothing!! I’m unstoppable!
(Victim swats the Spider. It falls dead. Other fellow notices it for the first time.)
VICTIM
You see that?
(other guy nods.)
There’s more where that came from if you don’t get your hand out of my ass!
(Jeff removes his hand from Victim’s ass.)
JEFF
Sorry. …Hand was cold.
BLACKOUT
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Ben Zolno and Jeff Goode [Spider]
Performed by Adam Hahn and Jeff Goode [Spider]
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