Restraining Orderby Jeff Goode
I never thought of this before, but what if shes just kidding?
I mean, I never thought of her as one of those Laugh-a-minute jokey girls.
But thats because shes so dry.
Shes like, everything she says is so deadly serious
Like she says, "Youre an asshole"
And if you dont know her - if you didnt know her sense of humor.
Youd be like, she seems really angry.
I think she really wants to cut that guys balls off.
But really, its just, that dry, like Clint Eastwood humor.
"Youre a piece of shit" (laughs) But not literally. Obviously.
Thats just a joke!
If thats what it is.
So, like, this whole thing with the restraining order
Oh my God. What if shes just been kidding this whole time?
And this is all a huge misunderstanding on my part!
And Im in my head going What if she doesnt like me? But I still love her. But she says she cant stand me! What am I gonna do?
But shes secretly like "No, you stupid fucker. Im kidding when I say all that stuff and call you a cock sucker."
I mean, obviously, shes never seen me suck a cock. So how would she know?
Its a figure of speech. Shes being facetious.
God, Im such an idiot!
But she should really play professional poker.
Because she totally keeps a straight face through all of the legal proceedings.
"Yes, your honor." "No, your honor." "Ask him, your honor."
She is so cute when she does that.
I always loved that little frown.
Shes all "Yes your honor" "No, your honor" trying to be all angry.
Maybe thats why the Judge looks at me like Im the one whos crazy when I tell him that even after all this I still love her.
Thats what it is. Thats so funny.
God this is so embarrassing.
When I think of all the trouble Ive caused. With the police and the helicopters.
And the Judge takes one look at her and hes like, thinking: "Yeah, right!
Like shes really going to break into your house
and beat you unconscious with a tire iron
and cut off your balls and feed them to your cat
and club you to death
and set your house on fire.
Just like she said she would. In all those letters."
God, I feel so stupid!
Im going to call my lawyer. Ive got to do something about this.
I just hope she still has a sense of humor and wont be mad at me when they let her out.THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Jeff Goode