copyright © 2005

SHAVEE Somebody shaved me.

MATE Wasn’t me.

SHAVEE Did you shave me last night while I was asleep?

MATE No.

SHAVEE Then why am I clean shaven?

MATE You have a goatee.

SHAVEE You know what I mean.

MATE (snickers) (recovering:) Maybe it was one of the kids. Jackson! (off his glare:) What?

SHAVEE Y’know, there’s shaving cream right next to the sink in the bathroom.

MATE It was a joke.

SHAVEE Just sitting there. Next to the razors. Very convenient.

MATE It was a prank. It wasn’t supposed to be perfect. It’s supposed to be funny.

SHAVEE I see, so that excuses your sloppy workmanship?

MATE (snickers)

SHAVEE Y’know, if my appearance bothers you--

MATE It was a joke!

SHAVEE All I’m saying… You could’ve said something. I could have done it myself. I shouldn’t have to wake up with little bits of toilet paper stuck all over. (beat) (scratches a bit, down there)

MATE All right, I’m sorry. Okay? Are you happy?

SHAVEE (sulks) No.

MATE What?

SHAVEE I think you know.

MATE No, I don’t know. What?

SHAVEE (no response)

MATE What else is bothering you?

SHAVEE Somebody waxed me.

MATE You were like that when I got there.

SHAVEE (beat) Those damn kids. …Jackson!

(BLACKOUT)