copyright © 2004 Jeff Goode

By Radio or Presidential Bulge
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2004
 
     JEFF
HOW ABOUT those PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES?
Show of hands
Was anybody else THERE tonight --- in St. Louis?
Because I was.
In the sense that
JESUS was there
and JESUS is the SON OF GOD
and GOD is everywhere
and there are PEOPLE everywhere
and there were PEOPLE in St. Louis
and I'M a PERSON.
So it's like I was there in Spirit
--- Spirit of the Lord
 
Did you hear where they had a 32-page contact
detailing every detail of the debates
from the camera angles
to the questions
to WHAT WORDS they could say?
Like they couldn't show shots of the candidates FROM BEHIND
And you would think that's because
they don't want pictures of the presidents ASS
showing up in some CHAT ROOM
 
But did you hear how the REAL REASON was because
Somebody got a picture of the President from behind
and there was this SQUARE BULGE between his shoulders
like he had a RADIO TRANSMITTER under his jacket
that could have been RECEIVING radio transmissions
into a hearing-aid style EAR PIECE in his head
telling him what to SAY
 
But IF that was TRUE
And Karl Rove was BROADCASTING from BACKSTAGE somewhere
Telling him what to DO ---
WHY would he make him LOSE the debate?
 
UNLESS you take into account
That the Democrats ALSO had access to the 32-page contract
And they FIGURED OUT about the Radio Transmitter
And they were jamming him!
 
Because, think about it,
John Kerry SAYS he served in Viet Nam
Where he CLAIMS he was a Swift Boat Commander in the Mekong Delta
And how do they COMMUNICATE BACK to the base in Hanoi
So they know what part of the river to go up? --- BY RADIO!
And do you REMEMBER – did you NOTICE
at the Democratic Convention
how ALL of his Swift Boat CREW
except for ONE GUY
was there to support him?
So you NATURALLY have to ASSUME
that one guy maybe has a DIFFERENT OPINION.
 
But the MISSING guy didn't show up at the Republican Convention
Or in any of the Swift Boat Ads
Which is very STRANGE for someone who had
TURNED AGAINST Kerry
Unless, of course, he was the ship's RADIO OPERATOR
and he's still WORKING for Kerry
hiding out backstage at the DEBATES and
JAMMING the signal from Karl Rove
and telling him all the wrong things to say
Which EXPLAINS why the President was always
SCOWLING and grimacing --- because he didn't RECOGNIZE the voice
And he was thinking:
"This doesn't SOUND like Karl
But I guess it MUST BE because
WHO ELSE would be jamming my signal?"
Because HOW would he know that the Democrats
Were CHEATING at the debates?
 
But WHY ELSE would Dick Cheney
give the wrong name for FactCheck.Com?
UNLESS he gave the RIGHT name
And some HACKERS went online
and RE-directed the traffic to an anti-Bush web site!
 
Because THAT's whose always OUT TO GET him
Hackers --- and Scientists --- and Educated people
Because they think the administration is ANTI-SCIENCE
Which is SOOOO hypocritical
Because BILL GATES is like the richest man in the world
So NOOOOBODY has benefited more from the Bush TAX CUTS
Than the COMPUTER HACKERS
 
But still they think he's ANTI-SCIENCE. Because WHY? ---
Faith-based medical research
Faith-based education
Faith-based space exploration
 
And you know WHY Intelligent people and Scientists
are so THREATENED by
ADVANCES in Faith Technology?
 
Because they know that in 4 more years from now
When we've got a FAITH-POWERED PRAYER-MOBILE
Cruising around the Surface of MARS
Sending back HIGH DEFINITION pictures
That you can VIEW
--- in streaming video ---
from your own home
sitting out on the back porch
JUST by BELIEVING in Jesus.
 
...THAT will be the end of Science as we know it.
 
And the Scientists KNOW IT --- And THEY KNOW that
We've got a REALLY EMPTY prison camp
Down in Guantanamo Bay that's getting ROOMIER every day
THANKS to these trial lawyers TELLING us:
"Oh, you can't lock up enemy combatants and keep the country safe forever"
 
Oh yeah? Well, how about enemy PACIFISTS?
 
How about we take all the people
Who think Freedom of Speech is their God-Given RIGHT
But they DON'T BELIEVE in God
And put ‘em in THERE until they
MAKE UP THEIR MINDS which is which?
 
How about we take all the people
Who want to take "We the People UNDER GOD"
OUT of the Constitution
And PUT those people out of commission?
 
We'll see who's opinion is RIGHT and who's is WRONG
When you're locked up in Abu Ghraib
Getting ass-fucked by Marines
And I'M taking pictures and posting them on the Internet
So YOU can download them at PornCheck.Org
And MASTURBATE to streaming video of YOURSELF
SERVING your country
The OLD-FASHIONED way
---ONE SOLDIER at a TIME---
 
And then try to tell me this country's
NOT HEADED in the right direction.
Cuz it's gonna be TOUGH TO DO THAT with your mouth full.
 
 
I mean, am I right?
Am I right?
 
(FADE TO BLACK)
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
q.v. The infamous photo of the Presidential Bulge.


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