copyright © 2004 Jeff Goode

Little Big

by Jeff Goode

BIG (reminiscing) Y'know, when I was little...

LIL (disbelief) When you were little??

BIG ...All I wanted to be was big.

LIL When were you little?

BIG Are you going to shut up and let me finish?!

LIL Sorry.

(Silence. BIG has lost his train of thought.)

LIL I said I'm sorry. Go ahead.

BIG I lost my train of thought.

LIL (prompting) When you were little...?

BIG (disbelief) When I was little?

LIL ...All you wanted to be...?

(Silence. Still nothing.)

LIL ...Was big?

BIG When was I little?

LIL I don't know. When you were little.

BIG When have you ever known me to be little?

LIL I haven't.

BIG (starting to get mad) When was I ever little to you?

LIL You weren't. You've always been big. Very big.

BIG That's right.

LIL As long as I've known you, you've been big

BIG That's right.

LIL Nothing but big. Huge.

BIG That's right.

LIL Too big, in fact.

BIG Now hold on.

LIL (backpedaling) Just the right amount of big.

BIG You think I'm too big?

LIL Just the right amount. Is what I said.

BIG I'm too big for you?

LIL Just the right amount.

BIG. Well, how big do you want me to be?

LIL Just like this. That's perfect.

BIG You think I can go up and down in size for you, like a balloon?

LIL No.

BIG You think I'm a balloon??

LIL Only if you want to be a balloon.

BIG I'm not a balloon!

LIL No, you're not. And you're not a very big balloon, either.

BIG Oh, so now I'm small?

LIL No.

BIG. You just called me a small balloon.

LIL Then I misspoke. You're a big balloon.

BIG I'm not a balloon!

LIL No. Nor are you small. Or big. You're just right. And not a balloon.

(Uneasy silence. BIG eyes LIL suspiciously. LIL eyes BIG fearfully. Finally, BIG speaks...)

BIG Y'know, when I was little...

LIL I hear ya.

BIG ...All I wanted to be was big.

LIL That's right.

BIG So I could fuck with people like you.

(beat.)

LIL Dude, you suck.

BIG. Heh heh heh. Big time.

(BLACKOUT)
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