A Number Between One and Antelope
by Jeff Goode © 2004
THINK. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
GUESS. Antelope.
THINK. What??
GUESS. Antelope. Y’know, the animal. From the zoo. Antelope.
THINK. That’s not a number!
GUESS. Who said it had to be a number?
THINK. I did! I said I was thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
GUESS. That’s what YOU’RE thinking of. But what am I thinking of?
THINK. You’re supposed to be thinking of a number!
GUESS. You didn’t say that.
THINK. No, because that would be obvious.
GUESS. Yeah. A little too obvious, don’t you think? It’s what you’d be expecting. If you say, "I’m thinking of a number", then right away you’re thinking I’m thinking of a number. But I’m thinking you’re not thinking I’m thinking antelope. So that’s what I went with.
THINK. But it’s not a number.
GUESS. No. Nor is it between 1 and 10.
THINK. But you’re not gonna guess my number, if you don’t guess a number, too!
GUESS. Unless, of course, it’s not a number.
THINK. Why would it not be a number?!
GUESS. Because you told me you were thinking of a number.
THINK. Because I want you to guess a number.
GUESS. Exactly. You want me to guess a number. But NOT the number you’re thinking of. You want me to NOT guess the number you’re thinking of, so I look stupid. But if that’s the case, why even tell me it’s a number between 1 and 10, if you’re trying to get me to not guess it? You would only do that if you wanted to get me to NOT guess a number that was NOT between 1 and 10. AND not a number.
THINK. So you said "Antelope"?!?
GUESS. Because that’s the one thing I knew you knew I would never expect you to say.
THINK. What the hell is wrong with you???
GUESS. Just thinking outside the box.
THINK. Well, stop it! Stop thinking outside the box! It’s stupid! and it pisses people off!
GUESS. I’m sorry. You’re pissed off?
THINK. Yes!
GUESS. Why?
THINK. Because you’re an idiot, and you take all the fun out of everything! You can’t even pick a number like a normal person!
GUESS. I know, I’m sorry. So what was the number?
THINK. I’m not gonna tell you, now.
GUESS. One? Was it two? …etc.
(…proceeds to guess all the numbers between 1 and 10 …)
GUESS. One? Was it one? Two? Was it three? It was, wasn't it? It was three! ...Four? Was it five? Did I say two? It wasn't five? Six? Seven? I said two, didn't I? Two! It was two! Eight? Not eight? Nine! It wasn't ten, was it? Was it ten? It was ten. Ten! ...Two?
THINK. It was antelope!
GUESS. Yes!
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Cadry Nelson and Jeff Goode.
Performed by Cadry Nelson and Justin Grizzoffi.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Robb Rouse.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Robb Rouse.
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