So There We Were, Completely Surrounded
by Jeff Goode
original music by Brett Webster
So there we were
When who should walk in
But that one guy!
You know who Im talking about.
The guy from the place.
Whats his name.
With the thing.
So he walks in.
Like its nothing. Like nothings happened.
And I said understandably, I think
"What the hell??"
Like its not nothing, its something. That youre here. Now.
For no reason.
Like an act of God.
Only not a useful act of God.
More like God fucked up and now youre here.
I mean, "What the hell???"
And he looks at me like I am incomprehensible.
And he says: "What do you mean?"
And Im thinking:
What do I mean? What does it look like I mean??
I mean, here we are.
Middle of God-only-knows.
He walks in.
And, need I remind you
But I dont want to say anything, because I dont want to draw attention to it,
But lets face it:
About to have I-dont-know-what done to us
We can only imagine. Unimaginable.
Unspeakable, from what Ive heard.
Seriously, as God is my witness,
on my mothers grave, may she rest in peace when she dies,
The stories I could tell you.
And not just stories.
Things that actually happened to people.
And heres this guy.
Like its nothing.
Like, "Oh, hi! So this is the place.
So Im here. Arent you gonna introduce me to your friends?"
Like a prick.
So you know what Im thinking.
And I look at my partner, who I think is thinking the same thing.
Cuz we have this thing you know what I mean
Where we just-- You just know.
You just look at each other and:
Aha. Gotcha. Same page. Right behind you.
And we look at each other.
And we look at him.
I just bolt.
Cuz no way theyre expecting that.
And what are they gonna do?
Because theres two of us, and one of that guy.
And if we just get the hell out of there
Theyre gonna go after him, right?
Were moving targets.
Hes just standing there, like a prick.
So Im running. And Im running.
And just everything whipping by.
And things, and "what the", (ad lib tripping) "Okay, Im okay."
And I hear screams.
And I run even faster.
And I hear more screams. Only different. Deeper. Deeper screams.
And I just stop.
And I turn around.
And I dont know why my partner didnt
I can only assume there was some sort of miscommunication.
Because I dunno why my partner didnt Well You know
But he was always like that.
Always getting his signals crossed.
--Because as far as Im concerned, I was perfectly clear, but (helpless) You know?
Some people just dont listen.
And thats how I got out alive.THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
In January 2004, while I was enjoying a three hour layover in a Chicago airport on the way to Cedar Falls, Iowa, I decided to write the rest of this monologue to perform at No Shame Theatre that night. Though I ended up performing a previously scheduled monologue in C.F., I brought this piece out at No Shame L.A. a few weeks later, and with Brett Webster on guitar as my "partner", we debuted the piece there.
Performed by Jeff Goode [monologue] and Brett Webster [guitar].