- February 13, 2004 - No Shame Los Angeles
Directed by J.J. Hickey
Performed by ??
Unsafe in the Sky
(PILOT sits, facing the audience, as if in a cockpit. We assume he’s a PILOT, that is. Eventually, we will figure out that he is a school teacher. But not yet…)
PILOT
Good morning. I just want to say, before we get started, that I’m sorry about the delay in getting off the ground here.
It seems there was some sort of problem with the metal detectors out front, so it’s taking longer than usual to get everyone through security.
But now that everybody’s here and the doors are sealed, I think we can get going.
But, y’know, before we do that. I just want to say something - because this has been on my mind for awhile now — Ever since I got back from Costa Rica.
You see, I was there recently - I just got back from my mission to Coast Rica, in fact. And what I saw there — and the experience of seeing so many lives touched by our Lord and Savior — well, it’s really taught me something about the power of Christ’s teaching.
And the importance of being, not just a follower, but a teacher yourself.
Because Jesus was not a disciple. He was a teacher. …How often we forget that.
And while I’m thinking about it, I’d like to just do something here: If I could just get a show of hands. Anyone who is a Christian, please raise your hand. Right there where your sitting. If you’re a Christian and born again, just put that hand up.
And anyone who’s not raising your hand. If your hand is not in the air right now. I just want to say this: That you’re Crazy. You’re nuts if you’re not a Christian.
And I think you should spend the rest of your time here - Whatever time we have remaining - Thinking about that.
Or better yet. Why don’t you look around you at the people with their hands in the air. And if you could find the one nearest you — it may be someone behind you — Why don’t you go ahead and spend the rest of class talking to them about their faith.
And, Christians — don’t be afraid to keep those hands up — Go ahead and answer their questions. And if you need a moment to pray together, why don’t you just come up to the front and we can all pray together. Okay? Great. So let’s go.
Now, of course, the other thing we have to do first - that we always do before we get started — Could you all to raise your right hand. All of you. Not just the Christians. And place it over your heart. And we’ll say the Pledge of Allegiance.
And I just want to remind you — as we do this — that this is a pledge. An oath, if you will.
Which you are required to repeat, each and every morning. Just like saying your prayers.
This is a Holy Oath of Allegiance. To our flag. Our nation. And all of its symbols.
So I want you to really think about that, as you repeat after me.
(He emphasizes all of the key words REALLY POINTEDLY.)
I pledge … allegiance … to the flag. Of the United States of America.
And to the republic, for which it stands. One nation. Under God…
(significant pause, before continuing)
And we’re running out of time, so we’re just gonna skip over liberty and justice, and get right to your Science Homework.
Show of hands: Can anyone tell me what Gravity is, and who created it?
(Pilot FREEZES, his hand in the air, kinda like a Nazi salute.)
(Enter a SECOND PERSON)
SECOND PERSON
Religious coercion:
Unsafe in our skies.
Unsafe in our schools.
(BLACKOUT)
NOTE: The word "class" on the first page, is the first clue that this is a classroom and not an airplane. But DO NOT highlight this word. It should be a throw away — a hint that there’s something odd about the way this guy is talking — but they should not figure out that this is a class room until the pledge.
Directed by J.J. Hickey
Performed by ??
Library]
