Sensual

by Jeff Goode

copyright © 2003

BOY
There's something I have to tell you. I think I'm asensual.

GIRL
What do you mean?

BOY
Well, when I'm sitting here with you... holding your hand, like this...
I don't feel anything. Not even a tingle.

(She touches his cheek and squeezes his hand.)

GIRL
I know you don't mean that.

BOY
You see. When you touch me that way, and squeeze my hand so tight.
I know I should feel something. But I don't.
It's like there's a dead thing clinging to the end of my arm.

GIRL
Oh my God!

BOY
Don't be upset. It's not you, it's me.

GIRL
You think of me as a dead thing? And I'm not supposed to be upset??

BOY
No, that's not how I think of you at all.
It's how I feel when you touch me.
Numb. Like a corpse.
And when we make love...?

GIRL
Oh no...

BOY
It's like you're not even there.

GIRL
Oh thank God.

BOY
What?

GIRL
I thought you were going to say it was like fucking a corpse.

BOY
Oh, no, not at all. I think if I was fucking a corpse, at least I'd feel something.
But that's just it, I'm getting nothing out of it.

GIRL
Sweet Jesus. This is our honeymoon!

BOY
I know. That's why I thought I should tell you now before we go any further.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

GIRL
What about the wrong impression I got when you promised to love me till death do us part? You don't think you could have let me know you were asexual before the wedding??

BOY
Oh, no, no no. I'm not asexual. I'm asensual. I can't feel things. I have no sense of touch.

(Pause. Girl flabbergasted.)

GIRL
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!!

(Beat.)

BOY
Stupider than this rabbit?

(Enter a RABBIT.)

RABBIT
Hubbida. Bubbida. Hubbidabubbida.

(It hops away eventually.)

GIRL
Please, let there be a blackout.

q.v. This is every piece I've ever written (10/14/06)