by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2003
Lights up on: A bench.
(Enter A YOUNG COUPLE. They sit and hold hands.)
There's something I have to tell you. I think I'm asensual.
What do you mean?
Well, when I'm sitting here with you... holding your hand, like this...
I don't feel anything. Not even a tingle.
(She touches his cheek and squeezes his hand.)
I know you don't mean that.
You see. When you touch me that way, and squeeze my hand so tight.
I know I should feel something. But I don't.
It's like there's a dead thing clinging to the end of my arm.
Oh my God!
Don't be upset. It's not you, it's me.
You think of me as a dead thing? And I'm not supposed to be upset??
No, that's not how I think of you at all.
It's how I feel when you touch me.
Numb. Like a corpse.
And when we make love...?
It's like you're not even there.
Oh thank God.
I thought you were going to say it was like fucking a corpse.
Oh, no, not at all. I think if I was fucking a corpse, at least I'd feel something.
But that's just it, I'm getting nothing out of it.
Sweet Jesus. This is our honeymoon!
I know. That's why I thought I should tell you now before we go any further.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression.
What about the wrong impression I got when you promised to love me till death do us part? You don't think you could have let me know you were asexual before the wedding??
Oh, no, no no. I'm not asexual. I'm asensual. I can't feel things. I have no sense of touch.
(Pause. Girl flabbergasted.)
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!!
Stupider than this rabbit?
(Enter a RABBIT.)
Hubbida. Bubbida. Hubbidabubbida.
(It hops away eventually.)
Please, let there be a blackout.
(BLACKOUT)THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Directed by Amy Lynn Pigott
Cast: Jeff Goode, Cadry Nelson, Knighty