I love my mom.
I love my mom because she has dreams that reveal winning lottery numbers.
I love my mom because she cracks open bones from KFC to eat the marrow, but she won't eat KFC.
I love my mom because I was born left-handed, and she kept putting my rattle in my right hand until I was fixed.
I love my mom because she knows every parable from the New Testament and the Analects of Confucius and she won't tell us any of them.
I love my mom because one day my brother and I were talking and she came in and planted a roundkick on the side of his head and walked out without saying a word.
I love my mom because once she showed up at my place at 8 AM on a Saturday, and the girl that stayed over hid in my roommate's room and we were very careful to pick up everything that belonged to her so Mom wouldn't see it, and my mom came in and pointed at my bed and said, "Why do you have out two pillows?"
I love my mom because she taught me to sing Diana Ross songs for her friends.
I love my mom because if I do not, she will haunt my wedding bed and make barren my wife's womb.
I LOVE MY MOM!

(blackout)

I LOVE MY MOM!

"I Love My Mom" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

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Author's Note: My mom's Korean. I have no idea what your mom's like.

• September 4, 1998 - No Shame Iowa City
  

  Performed by James Erwin.
  

• May 9, 2003 - No Shame La Crosse
  

  Performed by Amandah Macleish.
  

• August 1, 2003 - No Shame Charlottesville
  

  Performed by Sean Nitchmann.
  

• August 8, 2003 - No Shame Charlottesville
  

  Performed by Sean Nitchmann.
  

• October 22, 2004 - No Shame Cedar Falls
  

  Performed by Sarah Reinhardt.
  

• June 5, 2005 - National Best of No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed Simon Adkins.

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[James Erwin's website]

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