Cast
Nurse
Mother
Daughter
Father
Baby
Scene opens on hospital room where mother is giving birth, on a table, with knees in air, under sheet, center stage. Bottom of table is concealed by hanging sheet, same color as top sheet. Baby is under table ready to be "borne". When birth scene is done, mother straightens out legs to signal baby and birth. Nurse is behind bed, positioned to coach birth. Daughter watches from up stage left, in position to be confronted by the newborn baby as he pops out of womb. Baby speaks with a lisp.
Chris and Laurie Dialogue (Birth Scene)
Basically the nurse coaching the woman to give birth, push, push, etc. Improvise.
Mother straightens legs, baby is born.
Nurse (to audience, points at baby) Look at that! That babys full-grown!
Baby approaches sister (waddle)
Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke in forehead)Sister
Ow! (Grabs forehead)Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke)Sister
Ow! (Smacks brother in forehead, slaps foot for emphasis) No, Im not Thuperman! Im your thister!Baby approaches nurse
Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke in forehead)Nurse
Ow! (Grabs forehead)Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke)Nurse
Ow! No, Im not Thuperman! Im the nurse!Nurse backs away as baby positions himself to poke Mother
Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke in forehead)Mother
Ow! (Grabs forehead)Baby
Are you Thuperman? (Poke)Mother
Ow! No, Im not Thuperman! Im your Mother!Baby Ooohhh!..(Backs away as he points excitedly at mother) Then you know who Thuperman is!
Mother No, baby, I dont know who Thuperman is!
Baby (Points at mother excitedly) Yeath you do! You know who Thuperman is!
Baby runs around in front of bed, blocking mothers profile, strikes pose akimbo and speaks to audience.
Baby
Thuperman is my Daddy!Father enters and stands upstage left at foot of bed. Strikes pose akimbo.
Father
Hello son, Im your Daddy!Baby pounces and aggressively pokes.
Baby
Oohh so you think your Thuperman, huh! (Pokes in forehead)Father
Ow! (Grabs forehead and goes to crouching position)Baby
So you think your Thuperman, huh! (Poke)Father
Ow! (Covering head) Stop poking me!Baby Oohh youre not Thuperman, youre Puthboy!
(Poke)Father
Ow!Baby Youre Puthboy! (Poke)
Father Ow! (Loses it, stays crouched, yells slowly) Stop! Why do you keep poking me in the head!!?
Baby delivers line slow and deliberately while delivering rapid fire pokes.
Baby
Thats what you did to me Puthboy!Lights out
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