"Pete"
By, Christopher Clarke
Pete strikes a match and lights a candle.
Lights rise to a glow of a candle. Pete blows out
the match.
PETE (V.O.)
Dear Diary, last night I had the most wonderful dream. I
dreamt I was performing my play in the best of No Shame.
We here dreamy music.
Lights fade.
PETE (V.O.) (cont'd)
The evil Free Mason Bo and two of his fraternal brothers
escaped in a transport heading for the moon. But I was fast
on his heels.
We hear 'Pete in space' music.
Flashlight spot on Pete in space.
Speak bubble say: "Karate Chop"
Flashlight spot goes out.
PETE (V.O.) (cont'd)
He was holding my beautiful but platonic friend, Agent
Petra, hostage. I had to get to the moon diamond first.
Luckily, I arrived just in time.
Lights up on PETE retrieving the moon diamond.
PETE (cont'd)
Now I have something to bargain with.
Enter FREE MASON BO and his FRATERNAL
BROTHERS holding AGENT PETRA.
FREE MASON BO
So. Mr. Pete. We meet again.
PETRA
Take him out, Pete. Now, while you still have a chance.
PETE
Not without you, baby.
PETRA
Oh, Pete, I love you.
PETE
I know you do.
Enter a WAITER.
WAITER
More sangria?
PETE
Oooh. Sangria. Sounds good, but I'm a little busy right
now? Hey, maybe later, though. Thanks.
The WAITER exits.
FREE MASON BO
Give me the moon diamond and I'll give you Ms. Petra.
PETE
On three.
FREE MASON BO
One...
PETE throws the moon diamond into the air.
As PETE dives and tackles PETRA out of the
clutches of the FRATERNAL BROTHERS.
Everything is in slo-mo due to the gravity difference
on the moon.
The FRATERNAL BROTHERS open fire. PETE
kung fu's the FRATERNAL BROTHERS into
submission. FREE MASON BO tries to catch the
moon diamond but bobbles it.
PETE and FREE MASON BO both have difficulty
catching the moon diamond. They watch it bounce.
TWO MOON POLICE enter just as PETE gets to the
moon diamond first. FREE MASON BO has his gun
trained on PETE.
FREE MASON BO (cont'd)
Officers, I caught this man stealing the moon diamond.
Blackout.
PETE (V.O.)
I was taken back to earth and held without bail.
Mood music.
Lights up on PETE in solitary confinement.
PETE (cont'd)
When in disgrace with fortune and man's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state.
PETE is crying.
Blackout.
PETE (V.O.) (cont'd)
I was given an unfair but swift trial.
Lights up: PETE on trial. PETE's trying to get a
coke out of one of those lifelike coke machine.
JUDGE
Sit down, Pete! You are out of order!
PETE
I'm out of order? This coke machine's out of order, your
honor!
PETE wrestles with the lifelike coke machine.
JUDGE
Pete!
PETE
WHAT?!?!?!
JUDGE
I sentence you to death by strangulation.
Blackout.
PETE (V.O.)
I woefully awaited my execution.
Lights up on PETE on death row, guitar in tow.
PETE (cont'd)
Ev'rybody was kung fu fighting.
Those kids were fast as lightning.
In fact it was a little big frightening,
But they fought with expert timing.
Blackout.
Lights rise to a glow of a candle on PETE back at
his desk with his diary.
PETE (V.O.) (cont'd)
Dear Diary, the play was going great. I didn't even mess up
the song -- at all. This was turning out to be the best three
minute play I had ever written.
Blackout.
Lights up on the strangulation chamber. We find
PETE, a GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL and a
STRANGLER.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Pete, do you have any last words before you are put to death
by strangulation?
PETE
My dad never appreciated me.
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL
Very well. Strangulate!
A drum roll.
The bandana-ed STRANGLER starts to make her
way toward PETE but at the last minute stops and
karate chops the GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL taking
him out.
The STRANGLER takes her bandana off:
PETE
Agent Petra?
PETRA
Oh, Pete, I would never strangulate you.
PETE
Oh, Petra, you came back to rescue me.
Blackout.
PETE (V.O.) (cont'd)
We took my considerable trust fund and bought a large but
secluded place on Fire Island.
A Carl Douglas song.
Lights up on PETE and PETRA, they are drinking
sangria.
PETRA
I love you, Pete.
PETE
I know you do.
A WAITER enters.
WAITER
More sangria?
PETE and PETRA give out a hearty laugh.
PETE goes to kiss PETRA.
But before they do, the WAITER puts a card in front
of their heads that reads: "FIN"
Thunderous applause.
PETE
(taking center stage)
The audience was on their feet. It was a success. Even Ma was
there.
MAE
Father couldn't be here tonight, but I... I mean... we both
wanted you to know that we're very proud of you, Peter.
PETE makes his way back to desk during the final
voice-over.
PETE (V.O.)
Dear Diary, wow! My Ma... I mean... my parents were proud of
me. This was the best dream ever.
(sitting)
But the dream, like all dreams, had a beginning, a middle and
an end.
Lights fade to black.
THE END
"Pete"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE
DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED
WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Pete" debuted at Best of No Shame (Los Angeles) March 27th-April 5th, 2003. with the following cast:
PETE - Christopher Clarke
PETRA/STRANGLER - Jennifer Cousin
FREE MASON BO - Brian Anderson
WAITER/MOON-DIAMOND DANCER - Brooks Peck
JUDGE - Michelle Garb (3/27-4/4)
GOVERMNMENT OFFICIAL - Toni Loppnow (3/27-4/4)
JUDGE & GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL - Knighty (4/5)
MAE - Tory Seiter
THUG - Mike Rothschild
GOON - Brian Rochlin
MOON POLICE #1 - Tory Seiter
MOON POLICE #2 - Jocelyn Hughes
MOONGLOW - Dave Ulrich
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