copyright © 2003 Christopher Clarke

            "Pete"
            By, Christopher Clarke

                                        Lights up.
                                        
                                        Pete is alone on the stage and is still
                                        setting up.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Wait.  Um, not ready yet.  Could you kill the lights?
            
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                        
                                        Lights up as Pete is dragging his scene
                                        partner onstage.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Hi, everybody.  Thanks for coming out tonight.  I APPRECIATE IT!
            
                                        Pete takes a step forward.
                                        
                                   PETE
            This is an actual scene that I read once.
            
                                        He takes one step backwards - joining
                                        his scene partner.  He hesitates and
                                        then takes a step to the audience.
                                  
                                   PETE
            Sorry everybody - I forgot to introduce my lovely scene partner and
            platonic friend Petra.
            
                                        Pete moves back into the scene.
                                        
                                        Long pause.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Wait.  I almost forgot.
                                        Pete takes a step toward the audience.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Um - this is a scene from an untitled and unfinished play written by--
            	
                                        Petra whispers something.
                                   
                                   PETE
            	(to Petra)
            Shhh - Petra, please, I'm dying out here.
            	(to the audience)
            ... written by... me.
            
                                        Petra starts to go.  Pete stops her and a
                                        long whispering discussion/argument ensues.
                                   
                                   PETE
            	(finally)
            And by Petra Proust.
                                        
                                        Pete goes back upstage to join Petra.
                                        
                                        Pete looks toward the lightboard operator.
                                   
                                   PETE
            OK.  
            	(beat)
            Now.
            	(beat)
            Could we get a blackout?
            
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                        
                                   PETE
            OK...Lights up!
                                        Lights up.
                                        
                                        Petra is walking briskly across the stage.
                                        
                                   
                                        Pete dives and tackles Petra.  He stands
                                        and starts speaking - reading from his script.
                                   
                                   PETE
            "Man, am I glad I caught you before you started running again.  Thanks for
            slowing down.  What I really mean to say is, I appreciate it."
            	(to the lightboard operator)
            Can I try that again?
            
                                        Pete waits a second for a blackout, gives up,
                                        then:
                                   
                                   PETE
            Nevermind.  I'll just go from here.
            	(indicating to Petra on the script)
            "...What I mean to say is, I appreciate it."
            
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                        
                                   PETE
            	(in the dark)
            Wait, no, you guys.  Not yet.
            
                                        Lights come back up to full.
                                        
                                   PETE
            I know that's the cue, but I'm going to be saying it several more times.
            Here on page two I have this...
            	(to Petra)
            I added a poem.
            	(to the lightboard operator)
            I'll just take you through it quickly.  Um, page two.
            
                                        Pete flips a page of his script.
                                   
                                   PETE                                        
            "It's been a short time.
            But a good time.
            A good time for me.
            And maybe for you.
            You don't really know me.
            But I sure know you.
            You are a treasure worthy of admiration.
            Your golden eyes.  I appreciate your eyes.
            Your breasts.... They rock!
            Your flaxen hair.  Oh, how I appreciate that."
            
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                        
                                        We hear a loud crash of some kind.
                                        
                                        Pete screams.
                                        
                                        Lights up.
                                        
                                        Pete is holding his crotch.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Oh my god!  NO WAY!  Now I really fucking appreciate that.
                                        
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                        
                                   PETE
            Amy, are you fuckin' with me?
                                        
                                        Lights up.
                                        
                                        Petra is gone.
                                   
                                   PETE
            Petra?  Petra are you backstage?  In the wings?  Petra?  Where did
            you go?
            
                                        Pete goes into the house, opens the
                                        door to the theater.  Maybe we hear the
                                        "ding" of the elevator.
                                   
                                   PETE
            	(from the house)
            Fuck this.
            	(beat)
            Fuck it.
                                        
                                        Hard Blackout.
                                                                                
            THE END
"Pete" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This piece in no way should be considered an "improv piece", however, the style is loose and ad libs are encouraged when appropriate.

"Pete" debuted January 17, 2003 with the following cast:
PETE - Christopher Clarke
PETRA/PETUNIA - Jennifer Cousin

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