Episode Ten
Mom is seated, center. Child and Dad (Thief) enter. Child runs to mom.
CHILD
Mom!
MOM
Oh, my darling!
DAD
I got here as fast as I could. There was some trouble in Oelwein, but I think its all over now.
CHILD
Mom? Are you going to be all right?
MOM
That depends, dear, on the talisman.
CHILD
What is a talisman?
Suddenly, Otis, Javert, Deputy, and Sandi with an I, run in.
They stop and Otis (with an i also) raises his bread over his head.
OTIS
Forces of Light! Assemble!
JAVERT
Can the comic book crap, Otis. Were all right here!
OTIS
(waves the bread at Dad.)
All right, then! (To Dad.) Who are you and why do you serve the forces of darkness?
JAVERT
Is it ture that you work to threaten the safety of the Nexus of all realities, located at the Waterloo Maid Rite?
DEPUTY
And if you succeed in your mission, you could be an instrument of ending all life as we know it in this plane of existence?
SANDI WITH AN I
And did you fuck up my date with Mike OMalley?
DAD
No! No! I did none of those things. Im just a man with a sick wife and a devoted child who will stop at nothing to preserve the sanctity of his family.
DEPUTY
Yeah, right. As sure as my name is Al, I dont buy that story.
JAVERT
Al? I thought your name was Gerber or Roger or something like that.
DEPUTY
Um, yeah, it is, I guess. Maybe Im just confused.
OTIS
Sand with an i? He didnt fuck up your date with Mike OMalley, I am Mike, only trapped through a wild set of circumstances in the body of Otis.
SANDI WITH AN I
You are??
*****SUDDENLY MARK GENTSCH RUNS ON STILL IN A FRENZY FROM THE DAN LAYNE NO-SHAME SEGMENT*EVERYBODY STEPS OUT OF CHARACTER************
GENTSCH
At last my arm is complete! (or whatever the correct line is. And then he gives his maniacal laugh.)
CHILD
(Yells.)
Hey, Gentsch! This is Brass Link, youve already done your piece tonight!
GENTSCH
(Totally dejected.)
Oh...(Exits, very sad.)
CHILD
Jesus.***BRASS LINKSTERS STEP BACK INTO CHARACTER*********
OTIS
Yes, yes, I really am Mike OMalley. Just in a different body.
SANDI WITH AN I
Wow! I can see that. And, you know what, Mike? I like it! I mean, why drive a Toyota when you can cruise in a Mercury?
JAVERT
Wait a minute! Then, just what is your name?
DEPUTY
Um, Bob?
JAVERT
You dont know?
DEPUTY
(Embarrassed.)
No, not really.
JAVERT
Then all this "forces of light" stuff is just the insane rambling of a mad person?
DEPUTY
I dont know. Can you hum a few bars? My chiropractor had Quik-Trip burritos for supper. The capitol of Wyoming is not Oklahoma City.
JAVERT
Thats it, Im hauling you in. Sorry for the intrusion folks. (Takes Deputy by the arm and exits. Deputy babble incoherently as they exit.)
OTIS
So, you, uh, like the new model Mike OMalley?
SANDI WITH AN I
Honey, I dont care about Miles per Gallon if I can get a good ride!
OTIS
You dont!
SANDI WITH AN I
Lose that bread and lets go play with your cruise control.
OTIS
(Tosses the bread at the Childs feet.)
This is one metaphor I think Im going to like!! (he takes her by the hand and they stroll off together. The family watches them go. The Child picks up the bread.)
CHILD
Gee, dad, what was that all about?
Suddenly Zack, Roy, Vera, and Axel, the forces of Darkness enter. They surround the frightened family.
ZACK
Hand us that bread, Child! The forces of darkness are nearly ready!!!!!
The child clutches the bread fearfully as the family huddles together, with the Forces of Darkness drawing closer.
Blackout.
FARMER Sean Clark
MIKE O'MALLEY Mike Moran
ANNIE JAVERT Cheryl Snodgrass
ROGER Todd McNerney
OLD JAKE Brad Schnurr
THIEF Dan Gurler
PAT RAMSEY Bonnie Metzgar
ROGER (2) Dean Schmitt
SANDI Michele Sohner
OTIS Frank Ensenberger
ROGER (3) Jeri Schulke
ONE-ARMED MAN Brad Schnurr