Episode Four (4)

THIEF
(Singing "Radar Love")
Radio plays some forgotten song
Brenda Lee is coming on strong
No more speed I’m almost there
Gotta be cool, now, gotta take care

THIEF
Goddamn, I almost killed you.

ONE-ARMED MAN
"Almost" don’t mean shit. I need a ride. I need help to get back on the road and out of this part of the state. I feel the night closing in on my backside like a dusty velvet curtain and the stars of hope just barely glimmering on the horizon. Well, how about it son?

THIEF
No sweat, but, we’re in a hurry. Hop in.

ONE-ARMED MAN
Thanks, son, I appreciate it. Oops, almost sat on your loaf of bread.

THIEF
Ain’t mine. You want it?

ONE-ARMED MAN
Nope, not too fond of bread. Actually, never eat it.

THIEF
Well, fuck it, then. (Throws the bread out of the window.)

ONE-ARMED MAN
Name’s Otis, son. What’s yours?

THIEF
None of your business.

OTIS
Well, friendly little fellow aren’t you?

THIEF
Haven’t got time to be friendly. Gotta get this truck to Mount Vernon by morning and I’m really tired. Tell me a story to keep me awake.

OTIS
A story?

THIEF
Yeah, a story. About anything. I don’t care.

OTIS
All right. You know anything about necromancy?

THIEF
No.

OTIS
Well, I’m going to tell you a story about necromancy, fate, destiny, harmonic convergence, and Maid-Rite.

THIEF
All right, just as long as I don’t fall asleep.

OTIS
Falling asleep will be the least of your worried.

GIRL
We’ve been driving over an hour. I don’t know if I can put up with this much longer.

MIKE
Just keep that truck in sight. I’ve got to get my loaf back.

GIRL
What about me?

MIKE
You?

GIRL
Yes, me. We’ve been racing along through the thick misty Iowa night and all you can think about is a loaf of bread. You haven’t even asked if I have a name!

MIKE
Do you?

GIRL
Yes!

MIKE
Uh, what is it?

GIRL
Sandi, with an "i".

MIKE
Well, that’s nice. Um, real pretty. Hey, look, did he just throw something out of the window?

SANDI
I don’t know, and I don’t care. All I care about is you. Your aura, your presence, your very intensity of being has touched my soul. Forget this bread business, this stolen pick-up truck, and everything else. Can’t you see that fate has thrown us together, uh...what was your name?

MIKE
Mike. Mike O’Malley. I’m from Oelwein and I’m off to find America with three hundred and eleven dollars and thirty-seven cents and my loaf of bread.

SANDI
Can’t you see that, Mike O’Malley?

MIKE
See what?

SANDI
I am America. America is me. My breasts, my thighs, my lips are all part of this fertile verdant land calling out aching to feel your patriotism. Ease my loneliness in this soft Iowa night. It was destiny that threw us together, Mike O’Malley. Be mine and have no shame. No shame!

JAVERT
Faster, faster. I know they’re up there somewhere. We’ve got to catch him.

ROGER
Gee, captain Javert, you sure seem obsessed with this O’Malley guy.

JAVERT
With good reason. He disappeared from Waterloo after three hundred and eleven dollars and thirty-seven cents were stolen from the Waterloo Maid-Rite and the Maid-Rite’s manager, Old Jake brutally murdered. There’s also the matter of a missing loaf of bread.

ROGER
Gosh, such blatant disregard for the laws and statues of this land should not go unpunished. Why this entire attitude is simply indicative of the over-all moral decay of this great republic. (Annie looks at him.)

JAVERT
Shut up and drive faster. I know he’s up there somewhere.

To Be Continue...

• October 16, 1987 - No Shame Iowa City
  

  FARMER          Sean Clark
  MIKE O'MALLEY   Mike Moran
  ANNIE JAVERT    Cheryl Snodgrass
  ROGER           Todd McNerney
  OLD JAKE        Brad Schnurr
  THIEF           Dan Gurler
  PAT RAMSEY      Bonnie Metzgar
  ROGER (2)       Dean Schmitt
  SANDI           Michele Sohner
  OTIS            Frank Ensenberger
  ROGER (3)       Jeri Schulke
  ONE-ARMED MAN   Brad Schnurr
  

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