[MAN and WOMAN are sitting across from each other at the table. There is a spoon
in front of each of them. WAITER brings two mugs.]
WAITER
[To MAN] Tea for you, sir. [Places the cup in front of him. To WOMAN] And
yours was the coffee. [Places the cup in front of her. Waiter turns away.]
WOMAN
Honey?
MAN
Yes, dear?
WOMAN
No, silly. I meant would you like some honey in your tea?
MAN
Oh. Yes, certainly.
WOMAN
I'll get the waiter. WAITER! [WAITER rushes to table.] He'd like some honey,
please.
WAITER
I expected so by the way you called. [WAITER pulls a honey bear from his pocket and sets it
on the table. MAN mimes putting honey into tea and stirring it without taking the cap off
the bear. He takes a great big swallow from the mug, then he begins to heave; he is going to
throw up.]
MAN
I'm going to throw up.
WOMAN
WAITER! [WAITER rushes up to the table.] He's going to throw up. Bring a bucket,
quickly.
WAITER
Right away. [He grabs a bucket and returns just in time to catch MAN's vomit. He
carries it away cautiously.]
WOMAN
How are you feeling?
MAN
Much better. Would you like to have sex?
WOMAN
Oh yes. Waiter! [WAITER comes to the table.] We'd like to have sex please.
WAITER
Right away. [He retrieves the bucket and sets it down on the table. MAN and
WOMAN dip spoons into the bucket and, after swallowing the contents of them, smile
semi-orgasmically. After they have had two bites each, the lights fade to black.]
"BEAR SMEGMA HAS CHUNKS OF SALMON IN IT" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL
AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED
WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Bear Smegma has Chunks of Salmon in it" debuted September 17, 1999 performed by Mark Hansen, Aprille Clarke and Nick Clark.
Library]
