Vegas TSG
by Adam Burton, Chad Larabee, and Chris Okiishi
12/12/97 (BONS)
LIGHTS UP.
CHAD: Jake Hagen's cookin' bacon.
ADAM: MMMMMMM.... Bacon....
CHRIS: On a cold and dreary night.
CHAD: The wondrous smell was floatin'...
ADAM: To him it smelled ALLLLLright...
CHRIS: Three floors above the cookin'
CHAD: Sat Hagen's roommate Megan.
ADAM: A hardline Wiccan vegan,
CHRIS: The stench gave her a fright.
CHAD: [CLAP] Stay clear!
ADAM: Shhhh! Stay clear
CHRIS: Stay clear, Jake!
ALL: From a wiccan Vegas vegan girl!
[CHRIS and CHAD turn to look at Adam expectantly.]
[ADAM hits a frying pan with a cooking implement to make a note.]
CHAD: The floor began a rattlin',
ADAM: Her berks afire, a clatterin'.
CHRIS: She hit the sorry stairs
CHAD: In ones and threes and pairs.
ADAM: She stormed into the kitchen
CHRIS: Da' bacon hissin' sweetly
CHAD: "Why is ma nose a twitchin?
ADAM: And ya mouth, a droolin' neetly?
CHRIS: Don't ja know dat meat is murda'n and the porker is yo broda'?"
CHAD: [CLAP] Stay clear!
ADAM: Shhhh! Stay clear!
CHRIS: Stay clear, Jake!
ALL: From a wiccan Vegas vegan girl!
[CHRIS and CHAD turn again to face Adam, waiting.]
[ADAM sounds a note with the frying pan again.]
CHAD: Jake Hagen's jaw a slackin'
ADAM: It started Jake a thinkin'
CHRIS: Bout' friends he might've eaten'
CHAD: a crowin'
ADAM: moo'in
CHRIS: bleatin'...
CHAD: He grabbed his greasy bacon,
ADAM: His appetite forsaken,
CHRIS: Renouncing his intention
CHAD: For piggly di-gestation.
ADAM: Embraced the wiggin' vegan,
CHRIS: His wiccan Vegas pagan,
CHAD: Her scent was mighty fetchin'...
ADAM: Was she what he was missin'?
CHAD: [CLAP] Stay clear!
ADAM: Shhhh! Stay clear!
CHRIS: Stay clear, Jake!
ALL: From a wiccan Vegas vegan girl!
[CHRIS and CHAD look to Adam.]
[ADAM makes a note again.]
CHAD: The futon was a rockin'
ADAM: Their tongues were tonsil hockin'
CHRIS: And all because of bacon,
CHAD: Now it's love they're makin'.
ADAM: That wiccan Vegas vegan
CHRIS: Repentent Jacob Hagen
CHAD: Entwined in carnal matin'
ADAM: All life's a celebratin'.
[CHRIS and CHAD look to Adam again. ADAM makes final note.]
BLACKOUT.
"Vegas TSG" debuted November 14, 1997 performed by Chad Larabee, Adam Burton, and Chris Okiishi.Performed again at the Best of No Shame on December 12, 1997.