SASQUATCH AND MEANIE
by Adam Burton and Carolyn Space Jacobson
February 21, 1997
[Adam and Carolyn stand side by side, a little bit apart, directing their lines out toward the audience as if they were facing each other.]
SASQUATCH: Hey, have you had your test yet?
MEANIE: Yeah, last week.
SASQUATCH: When do you get your results?
MEANIE: They should be available tonight.
SASQUATCH: Do you have to call in?
MEANIE: No, they post them on the board outside the office.
SASQUATCH: So anyone could just walk up and see?
MEANIE: Well, they don't use names, just numbers.
SASQUATCH: How do you think you did?
MEANIE: I think I did okay. I know I missed at least one though. I answered "a" for number 3, and it should have been "c." At least that's what John said.
SASQUATCH: Oh you know him, he's always—
MEANIE: Yeah, I know. Like the time he—
MEANIE: So, have you seen Whatsisname?
SASQUATCH: You mean...?
SASQUATCH: Oh. Yeah. I saw him at—what's the name of that store?
MEANIE: Oh, I know what you're talking about. Did he see you?
SASQUATCH: I think so. He gave me one of those looks.
MEANIE: Oh, yeah. Ben there. [pause.] So, what happened after we left last week?
SASQUATCH: Oh, didn't you hear? Someone spilled a beer on--
MEANIE: RIGHT! I forgot all about that. And after all the trouble she'd gone through to be there with him, he went and--
SASQUATCH: Yeah! Who knew?
MEANIE: I can't believe you actually SAID that to him.
SASQUATCH: I know. Me either. But after that, I guess it's no surprise
that I went ahead and did it.
MEANIE: Of course. Makes perfect sense.
SASQUATCH: So, how's things with—what is she wearing?!!?
[Adam points off downstage right and says--]
SASQUATCH: That woman.
MEANIE (looking in indicated direction): What woman?
SASQUATCH (still pointing, turns to Carolyn): The one over there cleaning tables.
SASQUATCH (looks downstage right again): Oh, she's gone now... (pause; from here until the very end, all lines are delivered directly to each other.) It looked like she was wearing a green space suit.
MEANIE: A space suit?
SASQUATCH: Yeah, like something out of star trek. The old star trek, before the budget.
MEANIE: Oh, you mean like that one episode wh—
SASQUATCH: Yeah, where Spock and Kirk go and—
MEANIE: "Shuttle of love"—
SASQUATCH: Yeah! And—
[pause; then a gobsmackin' good thought hits both of us...]
BOTH: YEAH! (beat) I was besprised and becited when the wella blanna besploded besuddenly beside me. It was NOT (mug to the audience) what I had bespected.