copyright © 1997 Adam Burton & Carolyn Space Jacobson


by Adam Burton and Carolyn Space Jacobson

February 21, 1997


[Adam and Carolyn stand side by side, a little bit apart, directing their lines out toward the audience as if they were facing each other.]


SASQUATCH: Hey, have you had your test yet?


MEANIE: Yeah, last week.


SASQUATCH: When do you get your results?


MEANIE: They should be available tonight.


SASQUATCH: Do you have to call in?


MEANIE: No, they post them on the board outside the office.


SASQUATCH: So anyone could just walk up and see?


MEANIE: Well, they don't use names, just numbers.


SASQUATCH: How do you think you did?


MEANIE: I think I did okay. I know I missed at least one though. I answered "a" for number 3, and it should have been "c." At least that's what John said.


SASQUATCH: Oh you know him, he's always—


MEANIE: Yeah, I know. Like the time he—


SASQUATCH: Exaaactly.


MEANIE: So, have you seen Whatsisname?


SASQUATCH: You mean...?




SASQUATCH: Oh. Yeah. I saw him at—what's the name of that store?


MEANIE: Oh, I know what you're talking about. Did he see you?


SASQUATCH: I think so. He gave me one of those looks.


MEANIE: Oh, yeah. Ben there. [pause.] So, what happened after we left last week?


SASQUATCH: Oh, didn't you hear? Someone spilled a beer on--


MEANIE: RIGHT! I forgot all about that. And after all the trouble she'd gone through to be there with him, he went and--


SASQUATCH: Yeah! Who knew?


MEANIE: I can't believe you actually SAID that to him.


SASQUATCH: I know. Me either. But after that, I guess it's no surprise

that I went ahead and did it.


MEANIE: Of course. Makes perfect sense.




SASQUATCH: So, how's things with—what is she wearing?!!?




[Adam points off downstage right and says--]


SASQUATCH: That woman.


MEANIE (looking in indicated direction): What woman?


SASQUATCH (still pointing, turns to Carolyn): The one over there cleaning tables.


MEANIE: Where?


SASQUATCH (looks downstage right again): Oh, she's gone now... (pause; from here until the very end, all lines are delivered directly to each other.) It looked like she was wearing a green space suit.


MEANIE: A space suit?


SASQUATCH: Yeah, like something out of star trek. The old star trek, before the budget.


MEANIE: Oh, you mean like that one episode wh—


SASQUATCH: Yeah, where Spock and Kirk go and—


MEANIE: "Shuttle of love"—








[pause; then a gobsmackin' good thought hits both of us...]


BOTH: YEAH! (beat) I was besprised and becited when the wella blanna besploded besuddenly beside me. It was NOT (mug to the audience) what I had bespected.