I was on my way to St. Martin's Dale and I was hungry as a bear. Now on my way to St. Martin's Dale I spies me this rabbit, and this rabbit be a jumpin' and a wigglin' and a scratchin' out great big balls of fur, so I says, "Hey, Rabbit, why you be a jumpin' and a wigglin' and a scratchin' out great big balls of fur?" And Rabbit, he don't answer me with nothing but a scream and then he jump him up in the air and fall him down dead like a stone.

Now, not wantin' his dyin' to go to waste and me being hungry like a man chained in iron, I eats me that rabbit.

Now, when I gets my belly full I gets me tired so I lays me down and I has me a nap. And while I'm a has'n me that nap I has me a dream. I dreams me that rabbit, he be deep down in my gut and old rabbit, he don't like none of it. He starts to agitate and turn him in circles, makin' a hell of a commotion. Just as I thinks in my head, "What you do, rabbit?" I hear my own self same voice go rumblin' through my gut, "WHAT YOU DO, RABBIT???" and he starts to shakin' like he got him a palsy. "You're in me now," says I, "And I don't like my food this active!" Well, Rabbit, he jump him up in the air and fall him down dead all over again, only this time, he fall him down just a pile of rabbit bones. I wakes me up, then, only I ain't me. I'm a rabbit. Just like that, I wakes me up and I'm a rabbit, only I know I'm a man, so I starts to jumpin' and a wigglin' and a scratchin' out great big balls of fur to try and get my man self out of my rabbit self. Then I hears a big ol man voice behind me say "What you do rabbit?"

Well, I jumps me up in the air and falls me down dead, and the next thing I know I'm in a big old dark wet place, and I thinks to myself, "I been magiked, and now I been et." I tries to get out only I just dies me all over again, and now I'm here, in front of all you other dead rabbits and each one of is thinking the exact same thing . . . it just don't pay to eat what dies for you.

• Fall 1986 - No Shame Iowa City [in the truck]
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• March 6 & 7, 1987 - Duck's Breath/No Shame Show
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• September 4, 1987 - UI Theatre Department Lab
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• February 26, 1992 - Talk Art Cabaret (Iowa City)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• October 11, 1996 - Best of the Best of No Shame
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• May 4, 2001 - No Shame Charlottesville
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• May 10, 2002 - No Shame Charlottesville
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• February 20, 2003 - No Shame Miami
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• January 16, 2004 - No Shame Roanoke
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• January 30, 2004 - No Shame Los Angeles
  

  Performed by Scott McGee.
  

• June 6, 2004 - No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• June 8, 2004 - No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• June 11, 2004 - No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• June 12, 2004 - No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• January 9, 2004 - No Shame Roanoke
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• September 6, 2004 - No Shame Staunton
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

• June 10, 2005 - National Best of No Shame at Piccolo Spoleto (Charleston)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau

• October 10, 2006 - 20th Anniversary Week Without Shame (Iowa City)
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau

• February 16, 2007 - No Shame Roanoke
  

  Performed by Todd Ristau.
  

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