(Al and Mark stand on the stage.)
Al: Hello. And welcome to another edition of, "Sunday Morning in a Bottle," religious radio for the deaf. Our first caller will be a young man who says that he has strange dreams about his mother. What's his name again, Jim? (Pause.) Eddie Pos, is that correct? Oh, Pus, sorry, Eddie Pus. How can I help you? I see. No, it was a llama. Thank you for calling.
Mark: So, this fat bitch was sucking my dick the other day, when the fucking phone rang. So, what could I do, I picked it up. Who the fuck do you think it is, but my mom. I mean, what a fucking way to ruin the fucking moment, you know? So, I say, mom, get the fuck off the fucking phone and concentrate on my dick, bitch! Some people just have no sense of the fucking romance of the moment, you know?
Al: Have you ever been decapitated and buried in a shallow grave? Well then, you're dead.
Mark: And then, this asshole comes out of nowhere and asks me for fucking directions! What do I fucking look like, a fucking map? So, I gouged his eyes out with a ten-inch dildo. That I borrowed. From my sister.
Al: And speaking of milk, do you have athlete's foot? Well, maybe you haven't been looking hard enough. At the fungus institute, we can help you find the mold, mildew, or mushroom of your dreams. Just call 1-800-SPORE ME, and you'll receive your ideal fungus. And remember, friends, a man with fungi is a fun guy.
Mark: Gonorrhea really fucking sucks, you know? Fuck.
(Pause.)
Al: Yes.
Mark: What?
Al: Yes.
Mark: Fuck you.
Al: That reminds me, tune in next week when we'll discuss the infallible phallus.
Mark: So fuck you until then.
Al: Look, all I said was infallible phallus.
Mark: So? Fuck you.
Al: Funny fellatiated four foot frigid frankfurter-shaped infallible phat fucking phallus.
Mark: That's what's known as Al-litteration, folks.
Al: Hey, you fucking semen-stain, what the fuck did I tell you about breaking character?
Mark: Sorry. Fuck.
(Al elbows Mark.)
Mark: Oh yeah. Suck my dick, you fucking ass of green fucking gables!
Al: Saint Paul.
Mark: Fuck?
Al: Saint Paul.
Mark: The fuck you say?
Al: Saint Paul. (Pause.) Saint Paul? (Pause.) Saint Paul!
Mark: Fuck you, you fucking drop of fucking cum in the fucking sock of the stupidest fucking retard on the whole fucking cock planet fuck!
(Mark shoots Al with Al's trademark cap gun he uses all the time. Al clutches his chest.)
Al: (Dying.) St. Paul
(Pause.)
Mark: Jesus and sodomy, that fucking sucked.
(And then the lights go down on us.)
"YET ANOTHER TITLE WITH THE WORD "POOP" IN IT" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND
MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED,
TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION
OF THE AUTHOR
"Yet Another Title with the Word "Poop" in It" debuted October 22, 1999.
Cast: Al: Al Angel, Mark: Mark Hansen. Featuring the voice of Dom DeLuise.
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