copyright © 2003 Brian Anderson

Tarrytown, 12 Miles North of New York

By Brian Anderson

 

Lights up:

On 3 folks: a JUDGE and His BAILIFF, across from them, the defendant ANISSA, standing.

 

JUDGE

Alright, this is case number 565-203, whereby defendant Miss …Anassa Kack-der-her.. has been charged with parking violation 11345 on Main, near the north corner of highway 9, in the city of Tarrytown, New York.  Defendant Anassa …Komoker how do you plead?

 

ANISSA

Not guilty, Your Honor: Only for ONE of the two tickets that was issued to me.  You see, I was actually ticketed twice within an hour for the same violation, and I feel that I should not have been fined twice for that same violation. And, for the record, my name is pronounced 'Aneesa Ka Hoo Der'.  No offense.

 

JUDGE

Is that so?

 

ANISSA

That is so, your honor.

 

JUDGE

Interesting.

 

ANISSA

Yes.

 

JUDGE

How does one pronounce that again?

 

ANISSA

'Aneesa Ka Hoo Der'.  No offence, your honor.

 

JUDGE

Is that Jewish?

 

ANISSA

No. Muslim origin. But actually, I am a christ-----

 

JUDGE

A TERRORIST?!!

 

ANISSA

Not at all, your honor. I wouldn’t think of---

 

JUDGE

Interesting. Tell me miss Kawder-

 

ANISSA

Its-

 

JUDGE

Please do not correct me, or I will have you thrown in a cell faster than you can say Guantamano Bay!

 

ANISSA

I'm sorry your honor.

 

JUDGE

I’m just pulling your chain. .  Haha! .Yanking your wank, Miss Kawnto! Come on now! Ok. Lets get serious.  Let me ask you something, where is it that you are from?

 

ANISSA

I am from the United States of-

 

JUDGE

Answer the Question! Where were you born Miss Kantoneese!?

 

ANISSA

Lebanon, Your Honor. My husband and I moved here 14 years ago, and I became a U.S. Citizen in 1993.

 

JUDGE

Is that so?

 

ANISSA

That is.

 

JUDGE

Interesting.

 

ANISSA

Yes.

 

JUDGE

Huh….

 

ANISSA

Your honor, I don’t see how any of this is relevant. I just came in here to plead against the second violation. I would rather not pay twice for this same violation.

 

JUDGE

You have money to support the terrorists, but you don't want to pay the ticket, huh?

 

ANISSA

Excuse me?

 

JUDGE

Would you like me to repeat it, Ossama Bin Allyssa! (Or some better clever terroristic phrase)

 

ANISSA

I am not feeling very well with the accusations you are making, Your Honor. I request a recess.

 

JUDGE

There are no recesses for Terrorists, Miss Kardio!

 

(She’s week in the knees)

 

I’m just kidding with ya, Lady! I was probably joking.  Probably.

 

(She’s not responding)

 

Uhm.. Alright.. Hey! You’re on my hidden camera show! See, the camera’s in the back…. ? And over there?

 

BAILIFF

There are no hidden cameras, Your Honor.

 

JUDGE

Shut the fuck up!! No?

 

BAILIFF

No.

 

(She passes out)

 

JUDGE

Then, lets get the hell out of here!

 

(They both take off running.)

 

Lights Out.

 

 

THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR


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