copyright © 2005 Amy Alls

A Smile in Your Voice

An Original Monologue by: Amy Alls

Monologue should be delivered with a huge smile.

Call Center Representative-I work in the call center for a multi-million dollar corporation. I have a 98.42% average in overall quality scores for customer service and sales. This, of course, means I have no soul. Call center jobs are the easiest to obtain for young people with slightly above average intelligence and no college degree. What they don’t tell you when they’re smiling, shaking your hand and promising job security with a decent paycheck is you are now the official bitch of the American public. After anywhere from 2 weeks to, in some cases, 3 months of mind-numbing and unnecessarily repetitious training, you will join the front line of modern day customer service.

Welcome to orientation!

You will learn how to say "Thank you for calling…" every 3 to 5 minutes directly after you hear the sound of a loud beep in your ear, not unlike an alarm clock. If you are successful, you will give the impression that you actually like it by always having a smile in your voice.

At first, you may feel somewhat empowered because you are making the world a better place by helping people with problems they shouldn’t have to leave their homes to solve. You’ll get used to answering the same questions over and over and over and over again–sometimes from the same people.

Soon, you’re just going through the motions. The upbeat tone in your voice becomes normal. Even your closest friends think you’re a happier person because there’s always a big, comforting smile on your face. You answer the phone at your home, "Thank you for calling"–and then let out a nervous laugh when you realize (laughs nervously) "I’m not at work."

You go to work numbing yourself until you’ve forgotten what it’s like to express your true feelings. You don’t remember what it was like to be able to get up and go to the bathroom without asking permission to get off the phone. You start to think about the feeling of actually telling your waitress she brought out the wrong order or that there was a bug on your salad.

Work is no longer just a paycheck. It’s a reason to start a full-scale political and, if needs be, violent revolution to overthrow the massive, soulless corporate vampires sucking the blood and marrow out of the very essence of the American Way. It won’t be long until that beep every 3 to 5 minutes triggers a Pavlovian response of sheer, unadulterated anarchy pulsing through your over-worked, sleep-deprived, excessively caffeinated

Rant is interrupted by a beep.

Thank you for calling customer support! This is Amy. How may I help you today?

Lights Down.



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