By: Jessica Ahrendt
(Lights up on Jessica sitting, center-stage. Her hairdo
is
trendy and interesting - hair sticking up everywhere.)
(sigh LOUDLY) Well! Here I am in French class and I can't even concentrate! I hate it
when the most attractive guy in the class has to sit right in my line of sight. Last year I got a B in
Sociology because of some cute little wrestler who sat in the 4th row. Then I came to No Shame
and discovered that it was Aaron Galbraith! Anyway, would you look at him? I bet I'm going to
fail French!
(look in direction of imaginary guy) Oh - man,
he's
so attractive! Oh, look at his hair.it's sticking up! And I'm sure it's not because that's the frat-boy
look. It must be because he can't get it to stay down either that or he just doesn't care.
(sigh) And look at those deep, brown eyes! I bet his mama cried when he left for college.
(gasp and look away quickly) Did he just look at me? I think he did. So now I can't look
back at him. But how am I going to know if he really did look at me, if I don't look at him? Well,
I have to look. Okay. 1 - 2 - 3 Look! (look) (gasp and look away quickly
again) He was looking at me. Maybe he thinks I'm cute. (smile and then frown and
shake
head) Nah. He's probably just wondering why I was staring at him. No I'll bet he's
wondering
why I'm sitting here, talking to myself.
Right. Anyway - why do I even care? Nothing will ever
come of this! I'm not gonna go talk to him and I'd bet my tuition that he's not gonna come talk to
me, either! (sigh) I'll be on some psychologist's couch in twenty years wondering why I
was so lame in college! (shake head and frown)
Hark! Do I hear footsteps? (look in direction of
imaginary guy) Oh my gosh! Here he comes! (exhale quickly) Okay. He's a boy
and he's coming to talk to me. Boy. Me. Oh no. Ah! What was it my grandma said? Oh yeah.
I can hear it now. Breathe and smile, Jessie. Remember to smile. Otherwise, why have you been
brushing your teeth since you were three? Alright Grandma. Here goes. (smile) Hi. My
hair is sticking up? Well, yeah. It's supposed to be.
(Lights Down)
"Why I'm Going to Fail French"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED,
PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE
AUTHOR
"Why I'm Going to Fail French" debuted March 3, 2000 performed by Jessica Ahrendt.
Library]
