"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part III: CNN Headline Blues"
Written by Paul Rust
Narrator stands center stage.
Narrator: Previously on "The Carrot Kids"…
The Carrot Kids (Scott, Stacey, Laptop, and Chuck) enter and take their positions.
Scott: We’ll work together to solve mysteries and then print the results in our school newspaper! Readers will love that.
Stacey, Chuck, and Laptop: That’s a great idea/Cool/That’ll work wonderfully (etc.)
Scott: So it’s official! We are now the Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers! Our first case: The Case of the Missing Lucky Marble!
The four Carrot Kids change positions to suggest a different scene.
Stacey: The dead body in the arcade was holding a note. What’s it say?
Scott: It’s a clue in the form of a riddle. It says we can find my marble in a shark that makes the best carpenter.
Once more, the Carrot Kids change positions and stand in a straight line.
Narrator: It’s the Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers! Featuring Laptop… "The Brains!"
Laptop: (steps forward) You use a calculator for advanced calculus? Novice! (steps back)
Narrator: Chuck… "The Joker!"
Chuck (steps forward, singing): Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells/Robin laid an egg. (steps back)
Narrator: Stacey… "The Voice of Reason!"
Stacey: (steps forward) I don’t care if it is the middle of August, we all need to wear mittens! (steps back)
Narrator: And finally… Scott… "The Leader!"
Scott: I hold the walkie talkie!
Narrator: The Carrot Kids!
Everybody:
Listen up, world,
This’ll flip your lids!
We solve mysteries…
Us, the Carrot Kids!
Narrator: Tonight’s episode… "CNN Headline Blues!"
LIGHTS DOWN. Everyone exits stage. LIGHTS UP.
The Carrot Kids enter stage right into the school newspaper office.
Laptop: Like Superman to his Fortress of Solitude, the Carrot Kids return to their newspaper office.
Chuck: Too bad we can’t act like Superman. Instead, we’re just Super-dorks!
Scott: I don’t know if we’re ever going to find out who stole my lucky marble. That riddle clue was confusing to the max. Check that! To the double max!
Stacey: We better solve the mystery soon or our newspaper is going to fail.
Chuck: The only headline the school newspaper will have is "Carrot Kids Fail Miserably!"
Laptop: Not so fast, guys… I’m about to make our glass of water half-full.
Scott: What do you mean, Laptop?
Laptop: I invented a special computer known as a Tele Electric Laser Inframe… or "Teli" as I like to call him. It will decipher the riddle clue for us. Just insert the riddle into the data-base mainframe RAM drive spreadsheet Internet.
Chuck: Why is it whenever Laptop is around I swear I hear a second language?
Laptop takes the slip of paper with the riddle on it and inserts it into Teli (a person sitting in a chair).
Teli (in robot voice): Deciphering riddle clue.
Stacey: Wow, Laptop. I haven’t seen something this cool since the County Fair had those over-sized, novelty sunglasses. How did you ever figure out how to make this?
Laptop: Let’s just say I get by with a little help from my friends.
Scott, Stacey, and Chuck look at each other and smile warmly. They are the ones to which Laptop refers! Right?
Laptop: Mr. Wizard and Omni Magazine, of course!
Scott, Stacey, and Chuck look away and sigh disappointedly. They are not the ones to which Laptop refers.
Teli: Riddle clue deciphered.
Scott: So what’s the answer?!
Teli: Keep your pants on, dummy-face.
Scott is shocked at Teli’s bluntness.
Laptop: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you… I set Teli on wise-crack mode.
Teli: The answer is… the shark that makes the best carpenter is… a hammerhead shark. That is where you can find your marble.
Stacey: Of course, it all makes sense now! Everything makes perfect sense.
Scott: Woah, woah, woah, dudes and dudette. What’s it all mean exactly? There are no hammerhead sharks around here.
Laptop: Not so fast… let me think… hammerhead sharks… a popular film about a shark is "Jaws"… jaws have teeth… dentists clean your teeth… of course, I got it!
Scott: What is it?
Laptop: The annual Pancake Festival is tomorrow night! We go there, we catch the murderer, and find our missing marble!
Chuck: I don’t know, Laptop. I think your marbles will always be lost.
Everyone laughs.
Scott: Come on, Carrot Kids! To the Pancake Festival! We can all ride on my skateboard.
Stacey: But first let’s thank Teli. We couldn’t have done any of this without him.
Everyone: Thanks, Teli!
Teli: No sweat, bozo-heads!
Everyone laughs.
Everyone: (waving goodbye) See you next week!
BLACKOUT
"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part III: CNN Headline Blues" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part III: CNN Headline Blues" debuted November 2, 2001, performed by Paul Rust, Michele Thompson, Steve Heuertz, Jake Livermore, DJ Ruden, Aaron Galbraith.
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