"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part II: Zen Arcade" written by Paul Rust
The Narrator stands center stage.
Narrator: Previously on "The Carrot Kids"…
Scott, Stacey, Chuck, and Laptop enter and stand center-stage.
Scott: I came up with a way to find out who stole my lucky marble and also make our newspaper totally awesome!
Stacey, Chuck, and Laptop: How?
Scott: We’ll work together to solve mysteries and then print the results in our school newspaper! Readers will love that.
Stacey, Chuck, and Laptop: That’s a great idea/Cool/That’ll work wonderfully (etc.)
Scott: So it’s official! We are now the Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers! Our first case: The Case of the Missing Lucky Marble!
Narrator: It’s the Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers! Featuring Laptop… "The Brains!"
Laptop: (steps forward) The square root of forty-nine is seven! (steps back)
Narrator: Chuck… "The Joker!"
Chuck: (steps forward) Your shoe’s untied! (pause) Ha ha ha ha! (steps back)
Narrator: Stacey… "The Voice of Reason!"
Stacey: (steps forward) You guys really need to settle down. (steps back)
Narrator: And finally… Scott… "The Leader!"
Scott: (steps forward) Jean jacket! (steps back)
Narrator: The Carrot Kids!
The Carrot Kids:
Listen up, world,
This’ll flip your lids!
We solve mysteries…
Us, the Carrot Kids!
Narrator: Tonight’s episode… "Zen Arcade!"
LIGHTS DOWN. Carrot Kids exit. LIGHTS UP.
Scott, Stacey, Laptop, and Chuck enter stage right.
Stacey: Well, we’re finally here at Doozer’s Arcade! I hope you guys remembered to lock up your bicycles on the bike rack outside. (Scott, Chuck, and Laptop nod) I also hope you used a code that wouldn’t be known to the passing thief. (They nod) You can be creative though. My code, for example, is kind of crazy. It’s my name, "Stacey."
Scott: Now, I know we’re all a little nervous since this is our first case, but if we just take it step by step, we’ll be able to find out who stole my lucky marble in no time. It’s like a Ferrari-Testarosa P-360. (puts on sunglasses) You got it handle it right to get the results you want.
Laptop: Scott’s right. If we just follow basic analytical skills and quantitative thinking, we can easily eliminate all that is illogical. For example, let’s say subject B directly refutes subject A. As a result, we must consider subject C as an indirect dispute against subject K. Therefore, we must compute…
Chuck: Laptop, if you’re not quiet, you’re going to have compute my foot kicking your hiney.
Laptop: That’s one equation I don’t want to compute! Yowza!
Laptop runs to the other side of the stage.
Stacey: I’m going to search for clues. You guys can, too, but keep your voices down. We don’t want nosebleeds.
Stacey walks downstage right while everyone else scatters. Much to her shock, she sees a dead body holding a note.
Stacey: (non-excitedly) Oh no. Oh no. Scott, Laptop, Chuck, get over here.
Scott, Laptop, and Chuck run over. They are shocked to see the dead body.
Scott: Laptop, go get a policeman right away!
Laptop: Aye, aye, Captain Picard. Warp speed ahead!
Laptop runs and exits stage left.
Stacey: (still non-excitedly) Oh mercy. That dead body is holding a note.
Scott: Stand back, everyone. We must observe Mystery-Solving Rule #1: Only cool kids can pick up notes.
Stacey: You’re not that cool.
Scott: Hey. Who’s got a pair of sunglasses at home?
Scott takes the note out of the dead body’s hand and begins to read it aloud. As he reads it, he walks center stage. Stacey and Chuck follow.
Scott:
"Dear Carrot Kids…
I know you have a cherished goal/
to find the marble that I stole/
and so I’ll give a helpful clue/
that will surely assist you/
the marble that you really want/
can be found in a shark that makes the best carpenter."
Stacey: Woah. This is getting tricky.
Scott: Indeed. The only sure thing is the enigmatic nature of this note.
Chuck: The only sure thing is this arcade being a rip-off! Three quarters for Gala-tron?! What a gyp!
Laptop enters stage-left running beside Officer Rumdale.
Laptop: Starbeam to Milky Way! Starbeam to Milky Way! I found a policeman!
Officer Rumdale: Hey, kids. The name’s Rumdale. Officer Rumdale. Now, I don’t like pranks, so this better be important.
Stacey: Officer, could you please put your badge away? It’s too shiny and it’s hurting my eyes.
Scott: Yo, Officer Room-zoom. We found a dead body. Natch!
Officer Rumdale: You’re not lying?
Stacey: No, we're not. There’s a dead body over there.
Officer Rumdale: Well, there better be… or there’s gonna’ be four dead bodies when I leave!
They all walk downstage right. The dead body is gone!
Officer Rumdale: Dead body, huh? I am not amused, kids. In fact, I’m befuddled. Hear me? Befuddled!
Chuck: We got a Code 2-4-3. Police officer completely confused!
Scott: I don’t understand it, Officer. There was a dead body here just a minute ago.
Laptop: Actually, Scott, according to my Thermo-data-watch, it’s been precisely one minute and thirty-nine seconds!
Officer Rumdale: And I’ll give you kids five seconds to get out of here!
The Carrot Kids begin exiting stage-right, running.
The Carrot Kids: (together): See you next week!
BLACKOUT.
"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part II: Zen Arcade" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The Carrot Kids: Mystery Solvers Part II: Zen Arcade" debuted October 26, 2001, performed by Paul Rust, Michele Thompson, Neil Campbell, Jake Livermore, Steve Heuertz, DJ Ruden.
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