copyright © 2000
Welcome to the Channel 463 10 o'clock news. Later on in the program, we'll
be revealing the name of a popular condiment that was recently found to have
lethal carcinogens in it. If you want to know what it is, stay tuned. But
our top story is tragic and shocking news out of Atlantic City; where
beloved Oscar winning actor and writer Mike Rothschild was found dead at the
age of 36. Authorities have not revealed the cause of the brilliant, but
troubled, actor's death, but sources have revealed to Channel 463 that
Rothschild was ingesting large amounts of sugary cake frosting to bulk up
for a comeback role, and that the relapse of his addiction may have been too
much for him. Later in the program, we'll have reactions to the actor's
death, from friends, family and his multitude of lovers and one night
stands. But first, a retrospective of Mike Rothschild's career:
In May of 2000, he graduated from the University of Iowa with a BA in
Theater. He then moved back to Chicago, where he appears in storefront
productions of Neil Simon plays. He made a name for himself playing Danny in
a musical version of "Sexual Perversity in Chicago" called "Perv!". The
actor engages in some perversity of his own, being arrested for picking up a
trans-sexual hooker in Grant Park. With work drying up in Chicago,
Rothschild moved, joining fellow Iowa graduates selling blood, sperm and
their bodies in New York. He eked out a living doing off-off-off-off
Broadway productions and a few public access films. Then, he and his friends
hit it big with a series of self-written, renegade, no budget shows
including The Lobster Play, The Johnny Socko Story, and Lactose Intolerance:
A Story of Milk and Hate.
In 2002, Rothschild won an Outer Critics Circle award for his performance as
the title character in Waiting for Godot. Later that year, The Lobster Play
moved to Broadway, and was recognized as a legitimate masterpiece. The
mainstream acceptance of the show was a shock, and an argument over money
generated by merchandise sales broke up the Iowa Theater Graduates, leading
to a bitter feud that continued to the day of his death. Rothschild started
his own theater group, the Mike Rothschild Players; but they produced only
one show, a one man stage version of the film Fight Club, before closing down.
Rothschild drifted, feeding his cake frosting addiction. Then, in August
2003, he hit his big break. He was cast in Tony Kushner's long awaited new
play Angels in American Part 3: Get Your Filthy Hands Off The Last Slice of
Pizza, You Miserable Bastard. The play was a huge hit on Broadway, and ran
for over a year. He also made his first foray into publishing, with a book
of theater essays called Bring Me The Hollowed-Out Head of Christopher
Durang, So I May Drink From It. His Miserable Bastard co-star Shannen
Doherty got him a role on the new TV series, 90210 The Washout Years,
playing a funny, yet troubled Jewish writer.
In 2006, after 3 years, the show was canceled due to appallingly low
ratings. However, playing the token Jew on the new 90210 led Rothschild to a
brilliant idea, and he wrote, produced, directed and started in the first
"Jew-sploitation" film called Adamantium Rosenberg. He played a Jewish
detective sent into the New York Diamond District to stop a jewel heist. The
film featured, action, adventure and plenty of shiksappeal; and made over
150 million dollars. Rothschild was now the hottest property in Hollywood,
and he appeared in 10 films the next two years. He wrote, produced and
directed another Adamantium Rosenberg film, Rosenberg Goes To Egypt To Kill
Towelheads. He acted in films as diverse as the period love story Grande
Latte, and the epic action blockbuster Christmas in Hell. In 2008,
Rothschild realized his dream of winning an Oscar, taking home the Best
Actor award for his brilliant performance as a tortured gay man in Quentin
Tarrentino's My Brother, My Lover. A second book of essays, Why Am I so Damn
Good in The Sack followed. In 2009 he married a supermodel and bought a
castle in France. It seemed life couldn't get much sweeter for the 30 year
old actor.
However, some innocent comments made to Daily Variety soured the sweetness.
When asked about his Oscar winning role, he said of gay men "they like to
have sex with other men. It's not my thing. I like girls". He also said
women should stay in the kitchen, only until they are done cooking, then
should join men in having equal rights and privileges, adding that he hated
the Irish, brunettes and people named Harold. The comments were taken out of
context or made up by the reporter, but Rothschild took heavy flak for it.
But his box office pull was down as well. A third Adamantium Rosenberg film,
called Rosenberg Goes To Italy to Kill Dagos bombed, and his play Lob Star
was decreed as being a cheap rip-off of Lobster Play, by the recently
disemboweled Dan Brooks. His wife soon left him for the Backstreet Boys, and
his French castle was destroyed by hail. By 2011, Rothschild had spent all
his money making one last film, a remake of Purple Rain, with Rothschild
playing all the roles. It was never released. Just three years after his
Oscar win, Mike Rothschild couldn't get arrested in LA. He was then arrested
in LA for the murder of a migrant farm worker who's car window Rothschild
tried to wash. The charges were dropped, but the shame stained him. He left
LA in 2012 and drifted around the US, doing community theater under assumed
names, and gorging himself on frosting. He had lost 40 pounds, and was
drinking his weight in gin every month. For 3 years, nobody heard from him.
He was seen at times in various dive bars acting for quarters, and was also
listen in People Magazine's "who's not hot" list. He came back to Iowa City
to try and get a teaching position at the University, but it had been torn
down and replaced with bars. Rothschild was despondent.
Then, a Adamantium Rosenberg revival took place, and people began wondering
what happened to the film's autuer. He was given a walk on role in Steven
Spielberg's new film Tearjerker, and then won the role of "Heavyset Man #4"
in To Kill and Be Killed. The film was set to start shooting in Atlantic
City on March 12, 2016 and Rothschild, not a heavyset man, went early to add
50 pounds for the role. His frosting addiction, which he has so painfully
kicked, was now back, and it appears as if this is what killed him.
Something so sweet, but caused so many salty tears.
We'll have more about the life and death of Mike Rothschild later on in this
newscast,
Lights begin to fade
But now, a wacky story about what happens when a tree and a ladybug have a baby...
Lights fade out as final line is said.
"It's My Life"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED,
PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE
AUTHORLights up on SPEAKER standing at the
foreground.
"It's My Life"
debuted January 28, 2000, performed by Michael
Rothschild.