TONI: …and he just barged in and looked her. Jesus, what a psycho! Why do men do that, Pooky? Why are you guys so weird? Pooky? Andy? Andrew, what’s up? You look preoccupied.

ANDREW: God, this is a mistake. Toni, I need to tell you something, and if you stop me midway, I might not be able to get through with it, so I need you to be quiet for the next minute or so. When I went home last week, I had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking. See, one of the things that’s allowed me to stay your friend for so long is the knowledge that–even if I tried–I’d never have a shot with a girl like you. I mean you’re way up here. You’re quality. Down here: that’s where the girls I can get are. But, over the last couple of weeks I get the feeling that that’s changing. You’ve been smiling more at me, you’ve been laughing a little harder at my jokes–even the ones I don’t think are that funny–and you’ve started looking at me in a different way. It may just be my imagination running away with me or wishful thinking, but I sincerely hope not. But if you’re not gonna follow through with it, then you can’t be doing these things to me. You can’t be doing that. If you keep flirting with me, the I’m gonna get hope. If I get too much hope, then I’m gonna ask you out. If I ask you out, you’re gonna say "no." When you say "no", I’m gonna be heartbroken. Really, Toni, I will be heartbroken. I like you too much to be rejected by you. It will kill me inside.

TONI: I might not.

ANDREW: What?

TONI: I might not say "no."

ANDREW: You see? That’s what I’m talking about. That’s hope. Don’t do that to me unless there’s really a chance at there being an "us". I’ve known you for a year and a half, we’ve been friends for a year of that, and real good friends for that last six months; I find myself liking you more and more all the time. It’s the impossibility of there being an "us" that kept me hanging around, because I knew it wasn’t worth trying for, because if I did, the friendship would be over.

TONI: So why are you telling me this now?

ANDREW: Toni, you know me well. You know me better than most people. I don’t just go up and talk to girls. I never just go up and talk to girls, but from the first second I saw you, I had to go up and talk to you. Halfway through your first sentence I knew I liked you, and I’ve wanted to ask you out ever since. But there’s always been a boyfriend, or some guy you were dating, or some guy you liked. That guy has never been me, and I feel that’s a mistake. As I said, you know better than most people. You’ve seen my strengths, and you know my weaknesses. I’ve lain myself open for you to look inside me. You know I’d make a good boyfriend. You know I would care for you, that I’d never hurt you. I’d never cheat on you: I couldn’t; I wouldn’t even if I could. Why not me? Really? Think of a reason; if not for me, then for yourself. I’m kind, I’m considerate, I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m prompt, I’ve got decent dental hygiene, I’m a better than average dancer. What’s wrong with me? Is it the hair? I’ll grow it out. Is it the glasses? I’ll get contacts. Is it the weight? I’ll lose it. Or is that I’m just not attractive enough? Is that it? Am I just not cute enough for you?

TONI: Well…

ANDREW: That’s not fair, Toni. I don’t like you because you’re beautiful. I like you because you’re you. Toni. The fact that you’re gorgeous is a total bonus of liking you, but it’s not the reason.

TONI: You really think I’m gorgeous?

ANDREW: Fuck you! You know you’re gorgeous. And if you don’t then you should. And you should have someone like me to be there and remind you of it every chance that arises. You once told me that you thought true love "is loving someone not despite their foibles, but because of them." Toni, as I said before, you know me well. You know how cynical I am, and what an asshole I can be. I don’t like most people, and even the ones I do wear on me constantly. But you don’t. And you never have. I can’t imagine you ever will. Nothing you do annoys me in the least, and every time I discover one of your idiosyncrasies I find myself liking you more. If what you said about love is true, then I am–if I haven’t already–falling in love with you. I’m happy being your friend, and I realize that this more than likely ends that friendship, but I’d never forgive myself later in life if don’t take this chance while I had it. You’ve got to be honest with me now, Toni; and for god’s sake, please be honest with yourself as well. Tell me: do you have any–even in the minute–feelings for me?

[Silence for a few seconds]

TONI: I’m sorry, Andrew. No.

[Andrew’s head slowly lowers.]