[CHRIS enters. ADAM is off.]

CHRIS: So, hi. Adam and I are very excited to be here, in that we have really missed No Shame, and have, in fact, been so busy that we haven't been able to be in the same room at the same time for months. Thus, this piece is a bit of an experiment—we talked via e-mail about what this piece should be about and we both decided it was the right time of year to write a really "moving piece." As he pointed out, people are coming and going at this time of year, it’s a lot of upheaval, and I thought we could all use a good emotional release. So, we each thought separately on this "moving piece" idea, and will now perform an improv on the theme. Get out your hankees! This should be fun! [Calling offstage] Adam!! We're ready to go.

ADAM: Okay! [entering with big box of stuff] Hey, man. [setting down the box] Whew! That's heavy. And just think, we've got fifteen more of these.

CHRIS [looking puzzled, but going with it] Okay... What's in this box anyway. [opens it] Gee Whiz, Adam! It's an abandoned baby! Just the sort of loving focus we need in our dreary over-privileged, but under-felt lives! An object to focus all our attentions for months, until her crack-addicted-turned-Fortune 500-CEO mother shows up and demands her back. Oh Adam! I can't take the pain! I hurt! I hurt!!!

Adam [looking in the box, annoyed]: No baby here, just my old records! C'mon. Help me with this stuff.

CHRIS [not willing to give up yet]: Of course I will! Because after all, you're going to sell these antiques—your prized record collection to pay for my kidney operation so that I, your vain but endearing younger brother, can fulfill my dream of competing in the men's pairs figure skating finals in the winter Olympics in our hometown of Salt Lake City!

ADAM [looking again in the box]: Somehow I don't think an old copy of Thriller and couple of Boston albums quite constitutes a "prized antique collection." C'mon. We've got to get the rest of these boxes inside before it rains. No one likes moving in the rain.

CHRIS: Omigawd! Is the storm approaching that fast! Quick! I'll round up the livestock, and you secure the house. And to think, after years of scrimping and hard labor, we were finally about to turn a profit with this farm! Oh, the tragedy! The weather goddess is a cruel mistress!

ADAM: What the hell are you talking about? There's no storm coming, just maybe a little rain.

CHRIS [looking at sky]: You're right! I must be going blind! [fakes blindness] Adam—lead me!

ADAM: YOU'RE NOT BLIND!

CHRIS: Lame then? [affects bad walk]

ADAM: No!

CHRIS: Diabetes?

ADAM: No!

CHRIS: Syphilis?

ADAM: No! No! NO! Geez, all I wanted to do was write a nice little sketch about something simple like moving—something we all could relate to at this time of year, and you have to go and ruin it all. Do I really ask so much? I just wanted to make people smile, to share, to commune!!! [totally losing it] And now it's all gone!! ALL GONE! What do you have to say for yourself!??! [Glowers accusingly at Chris.]

CHRIS [pause, composed]: Um… I think I’ll go get some more boxes.

[CHRIS exits.]

BLACKOUT.