[ADAM sits on a park bench. CHRIS enters, sees ADAM, does a double-take, then a long look, then sighs and approaches.]

  CHRIS: Hi.

  ADAM (tentatively) Hi.

  CHRIS: What do you want?

  ADAM: Excuse me?

  CHRIS: Cut it out, Rita. Just tell me what you want.

  ADAM: Look, I don't know...

  CHRIS: You can drop the coy act, I know who you are.

  ADAM: I don't see how, we've never met.

  CHRIS: Okay, I'll play along. No, we've never met. No, you're just some guy at the bus stop. No, you're not the re-embodiment of my dead wife Rita. No, no. La-de-la-de-da. (suddenly serious) Knock if off, Rita, I'm busy today.

  ADAM: Look, I don't quite know what's going on here, but my name is Peter...

  CHRIS: Nice try. But Peter is our son's name, as you know. He's doing fine, by the way, even if he still can't find a decent job. (arm around ADAM) Of course, that's partly your fault, encouraging him to go to art school and all. (absently starts to stroke ADAM shoulder)

  ADAM (removing hand): Look, I don't know what's going on here, but if you don't stop, I'm calling the police!

  CHRIS: Hey, now! No need to get all huffy. You know, you were so much more fun when you were alive. I blame your mother. How is the old battle-axe anyway? Is she still hanging out in church confessionals to overhear all the good gossip? What a nosey bitch--whoops, excuse me, didn't mean to speak so of the deceased. What a nosey DEAD bitch.

  ADAM: Hey! You're nuts, buddy. (pause) And that's not a nice thing to say about your mother-in-law!

  CHRIS: Sure! Take her side. This is just like that Christmas in Waterloo...

  ADAM: I'm out of here!

  CHRIS: Calm down! I'm sorry--I'm just a little edgy today. So, fill me in on what's going on. How's heaven? Are you liking being dead? How's Uncle Johnny doing? He still hanging out in strip clubs? Geez, you'd think some habits would die with you...

  ADAM: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know you, I've never seen you before, and I'm definitely not the ghost of your dead wife.

  CHRIS: Geez. You must really be hard up, you've never gone on this long before. [pulling out wallet] So, how much do you need.

  ADAM: What?

  CHRIS: Money. That's why you're here, isn't it? That's usually what you come back for, so how much do you need?

  ADAM (he pauses to consider, then gives in): I suppose twenty would get me by.

  CHRIS: Very good. [gives a twenty]

  ADAM: Thanks, honey. [puts arm around CHRIS, looking at money]

  CHRIS: Okay, take another fifty. [ADAM eyes the bills with lust; he cannot believe his good fortune.] You're still my girl, aren't you?

  ADAM: Damn straight.

  [beat]

  CHRIS (patting ADAM on the back): Well, I should be going. Good to see you, Rita.

  ADAM: Yeah, [still staring at money, maybe counting it] take care...

  CHRIS (standing to leave): I'd say good-bye, but I know you'll show up again soon. [pause] I see you everywhere Rita. On the street, in a passing bus, every new face I see looks like you. I had no idea I'd miss you so much. I'd say good-bye, but I know I'm just gonna turn around and see you again. [pause] I love you. I'll never stop loving you.

  [CHRIS exits. ADAM stares after him for a moment, then looks at the money, then back after CHRIS. He pauses, then sets the money on the bench and exits the other way as LIGHTS FADE.]

"Rita" debuted October 30, 1998, performed by Chris Okiishi & Adam Burton

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