comedy sketch, three parts, one male, one female, one juvenile male.


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Oh, yeah!  Oh, yeah!  Oh, yeah!  Oh, hell fucking yeah!  Get up and dance, 

you miserable fucking bastards!  I SAID DANCE!


by James Horak



STAGE LIGHTS DOWN AND HALF UP.  HOUSE LIGHTS UP.


Madeline & Forest, a married couple, and Bobby, their son, enter 

tentatively.  They see the audience.


Madeline:  (aghast) Oh, god, they're horrible!


Forest:  Quiet, dear, they'll hear you.


Madeline:  (to forest) I'm sorry.  (to audience)  Sorry, really, terribly 

sorry.


Forest:  Although, they really are quite awful, aren't they?


Bobby:  Mommy!  Daddy!  Who are all the scary people?


Madeline: (she kneels to console him)  Honey, these are people that God 

hates.  Don't be afraid, they can't hurt you.


Bobby:  Oh.  (a beat. he points and laughs)  hahaha!


Forest:  They... they just keep sitting there.


Madeline: (averts her eyes) Oh, how dreadful.  Why do they keep staring at 

us?  Make them stop staring at us.


Forest:  It's okay darling.  It's okay.


Bobby:  (running around in circles)  God hates you!  God hates you!  

hahahaha!


Madeline:  (she corrals him into her arms) Bobby!  No!


Forest:  Now that's enough, young man.


Madeline:  Please, can we just leave?


Forest:  Wait, I want to see if they'll do something interesting.


(pause)


Madeline:  Yuck.  I don't want to be here any more.


Forest:  Why?  It's not like they can do anything.


Madeline:  yuck.  yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.  (she releases bobby, and moves 

a few steps towards the door)


Forest:  (during this, Bobby walks around with his thumb in his mouth and 

looks closely at several audience members, and does interesting, little boy 

stuff.)  Please, would you all stop staring at us?  You're disturbing my 

wife.  (pause)  It would be greatly appreciated.  (pause)  Please, I'm 

asking you nicely.  (pause)  Listen, I would really be a lot happier if you 

stopped staring at us.  (pause)  I'm telling you, nicely, to stop staring at 

us.  Do you not understand, or what?


Bobby:  Daddy, daddy, look at that one!  It has funny hair!


Forest:  Yes, I see that, Bobby.


Madeline:  Forest, I really want to leave.  Really.


Forest:  Oh, alright.  I'll meet you outside.


Madeline:  Bobby, come on, sweetheart.


Bobby:  Aw, mommy, I wanna stay.


Madeline:  Bobby, we're leaving.


Bobby:  No.


Madeline:  Bobby Vincent McAllister, you come this instant!


Bobby: Nonononononono!  (He runs and hugs an audience member)  I wanna stay! 

  I wanna stay!  God hates you!  God hates you!  Hahahaha!


Madeline:  Bobby, you get your hands off that filthy thing NOW!  You don't 

know where it's been!


Forest:  Do as your mother tells you, Bobby.  I'm warning you.  Do you want 

a spanking?


Bobby:  No.


Forest:  one...


Bobby:  No.


Forest: two...


Bobby:  No!


Forest:  three!


Bobby: (releases audience member, crying, and runs to Meridith)  I wanna 

stay.  I wanna stay.


(They exit, Forest stays.  He sizes up the audience, watches them for a 

bit.)


Forest:  Wow.  Disgusting.  Best dollar I ever spent.  (He shakes his head 

and exits)


LIGHTS SLOWLY DOWN AS HE EXITS.

"Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, hell fucking yeah! Get up and dance, you miserable fucking bastards! I SAID DANCE!" debuted November 2, 2001, with the following cast:

Forest - Mike Cassady
Meredith - Aprille Clarke
Bobby - Aaron Galbraith

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