Disney's 101 Dalmations

Lights up. Dorine is standing stage left, Max is stage right, and Carmen is center stage.

Dorine:  So I was all like 'don't touch me there' and he was all like 'I can touch you where I want to' and I was all like 'Damn you!  I hate it when you're right' and he was all like 'straight up beeyotch!'

Max:  The way I look at it, there are three things that I need to die happy.  One is total annexation.  Another is this funny looking thing I saw on public tv that had big hair and a big nose and it looked so super awesome cool.  And the third one is a night alone with three members of the original lineup of the great Hispanic pop group Menudo!

Carmen:  See this? (point to foot)  This is what I walk on my legs with.  When I put them in front of the other, it makes me go forward.  When I put them in front of the other in reverse, it makes me move towards the rear.  I saw Michael Jackson move them in front of the other and he goed back.

Dorine:  We were all watching The Father Dowling Mysteries, and I was all saying 'I just love that Sister Steve' and he was like 'she's got a great rack' and I was all 'is that all you think about is boobs on girls' and he was all like 'ohhhhh yeah!'

Max:  Okay, so maybe those things aren't very good, but if I got an annexation, I would have some of something, and it would be cool, like in Little Giants.  Ooh Ooh, if I had that damn cool sonofabitch thing that was on the public tv, then I would be soo cool.  Cause that was almost the coolest thing I ever saw, but if only I had a night with Menudo, I would soooo love it.  It would be sweet!

(Bart runs across stage from stage left wrapped in saran wrap.  When he gets offstage, Mike runs across with a bag in his hands like he is chasing Bart.  When he gets offstage, put the bag over Bart's head and walk back across stage led by Mike.)

Carmen:  See this? (point to nose)  This is what I pick when I get hungry.  When I feel like I am hungry, I like to put my finger in there and reach around.  When I find something good, I like to pull it out with my finger that I put in there.  Then I like to put it in my mouth and eat it.  If I eat enough then I don't feel hungry anymore.  Tastes good.

Dorine:  So this I was looking at the menu and I was all like 'ch, I can't read eye-talian' and he was like 'I'll order for you' and I was like 'oh you're so good' and he was like 'I'm getting head for this.'

Max:  Who would I call to get an annex?  What about if I had guns to take stuff?  I bet it would work.  If I had guns I could go to public tv and take the dude with the hair and nose and make him a hostage cause it would be fun.  And because the Menudo guys are old now, they don't know what guns are and I could take them to a hotel and we could hang out and play pool and darts and swim laps in the indoor pool.

Carmen:  See this? (Point to butt)  This is where poop is come out of.  It make me feel good.  When poop come out of it I like it. I smile when poop come out.  Sometimes I fart too when poop come out.  When poop and fart come out at the same time, I laugh and try to smell fart.  If it smells bad I laugh again.

Dorine:  So, all in all, I was like 'I like to talk dumb' and he was all 'you're only good when you talk with your hands on my penis' and I was all like 'oh you, you're so silly' and he was like 'I'm serious moron.'

Max:  I'd be the happiest boy in the world, but if I had my things, I would be happier than if I was the happiest boy in the world.  And if I got all my stuff, I'd have an annex and a cool ass thing with hair and a nose and Menudo!

Carmen:  See this? (Point to eye)  That is what I look at nude people with.  I like nude people when they don't have any clothes and wearing skin.  If they wear skin and haven't wearing clothes, I get happy.  If I see them I smile cause I like to smile when I see nude people.  People not wearing clothes is funny.

(Bart runs across stage from stage left wrapped in saran wrap.  When he gets offstage, Mike runs across with a bag in his hands like he is chasing Bart.  When he gets offstage, put the bag over Bart's head and walk back across stage led by Mike.)