Groove Bowel and the Towel
By Mark J. Hansen
Max: Well, medical science has screwed the peach once again. Just when you thought it was safe to make love to a clown without any consequences, those modern scientists have found a way to make them pregnant.
Chuck: Can you remember the last time you had sex with a clown? I know I can. They don’t print days like that on any calendar, that’s for sure. Anyway, it seems the breakthrough occurred just last night when Cookie, loveable second banana from the Bozo the Clown show was indeed impregnated.
Max: That’s right. Scientists say that Cookie was selected from a long list of clowns because he has child-bearing hips. Too hip to be square, as they once said. And, in fact, Cookie used to be square, but is not no more now that he is expecting.
Chuck: We go now to Sir Edward Elgar and an inclusive interview with Cookie himself.
Ed: So, you’re pregnant, right?
Cookie: That is correct.
Ed: Huh. How do you think that happened?
Cookie: Well, clowns in my family get pregnant easily.
Ed: How bout that? Neato.
Chuck: In other news, scientists discovered that fish are not fish but just really, really bad ventriloquists. Not only do their lips move, but they don’t even say anything.
Max: Which is a good movie, by the way.
Chuck: Sure is.
Max: With more on that opinion is Martin Esslin.
Ed: Have you been running around my head all night, cuz you look really tired.
Cookie: Are you coming on to me?
Ed: Yeah.
Cookie: Sometimes I feel like a mother less than a clown.
Ed: Neat.
Chuck: Thank you for that insight, Gordon. Breasts have been found to be attractive and my skin crawls when you feel me. Film at 11.
Max: Also, I’d like to point out that.
Chuck: Thank you. Charo?
Ed: Do you even care about me?
Cookie: Not anymore.
Ed: A descent into apathy is pretty dull.
Cookie: Those eyes you gave me you can have back. All your flirting was just a hand gesture.
Ed: You don’t know what love is.
Cookie: Love is crickets. The sound they make is sex.
Ed: Yeah, right.
Cookie: Bread crumbs believe in Fate. Because inanimate objects have one. We don’t. Close your eyes and count to eleven. In time with the breathing of your fish. Just watch his lips move. Just watch the bubbles.
"Groove Bowel and the Towel" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Groove Bowel and the Towel" debuted February 16, 2001, with the following cast:
Max: Dan Fairchild
Chuck: Paul Rust
Ed: Mark Hansen
Cookie: Tina Sherwood
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